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What should we discuss before marriage?

Understanding that you and your partner are different people in many ways is very important. When you understand this, you will see the need to know what their thoughts are on many things and voice your own thoughts and opinions too.

You can’t be having conflicting opinions about many crucial things in life with someone you intend to spend the rest of your life with.

I had a discussion with a few friends; married, newly married, about to be married, and singles about what partners should discuss before marriage.

I got a lot of interesting and helpful responses which I’m about to share.

So, if you intend getting married anytime in future, keep reading. You should also share with your friends who need to know these things.

sharing is caring

I am certain that no one has ever gone into marriage 100% prepared but causes for disagreements can be drastically reduced when certain things are discussed and settled ahead of time.

From my personal knowledge and the discussion I had with my friends, I coined out the following.

What should we discuss before marriage?

1. Money

lol, I tried hard not to make this the first but I couldn’t help it. Your finances when you’re single or dating is entirely different from when you get married. In fact, according to a research, money is the leading cause for divorce.

It is important to keep emotions aside and logically and clearly talk about money and money roles. Be clear on your mindsets about money. Are you on the same page in that regard? Discuss the following questions:

  • Will both parties be working and earning money?
  • Is any party indebted? Talk about debts.
  • Are you both going to have a joint account?
  • What percentage of your income goes into the joint account?
  • Who pays for what? (Down to little things around the house)
  • Spending habits (How much is too much to be spent on luxuries like cars, shopping, etc)
  • Necessary investments to make and what percentage of income should go in that direction.
  • Plans to secure the financial future of kids.

2. Daily Routine

Our lives are a sum of our daily activities. It’s easy to focus on the big and major stuff and discuss them while we ignore the “little stuff”. However, the seemingly little things now have the tendency to become a big deal in marriage. It’s better to leave no stones unturned.

“I feel Intending couples should invest quality time in talking about their daily routine. This is because the the couple would be spending the rest on their lives together Living each day at a time, so it’s good dig in to what each person expects on a daily basis. Nothing breeds frustration like assumptions”

Talk about your daily routine. Ask questions.

  • What time should we be awake?
  • What time should be dedicated to morning altar and what activities should be done? (Bible reading or just prayer, praise and worship?)
  • How long should the morning devotion be?
  • What devotional guide/study plan will be used (especially if you don’t attend same denomination)
  • Time for night prayer
  • Should a goodnight kiss become a tradition every night?
  • When there is a misunderstanding, is it okay to go to bed that way and discuss when we are both calm or must we settle before going to bed?
  • Do we sleep with lights on or off?

Duties

  • Who does what? (Dresses the bed/arranges the room, cleans other areas of the house, washes and cleans the car(s), fixes dinner, takes out the trash, does the dishes and must dishes be done every night or it’s okay to carry over to morning?)
  • Who does the final checks for the night (lock doors, switch on security/outside lights and switch of indoor lights, TV and other electronic gadgets)

3. Sex

Seeing that a christian relationship is not a Sexually active one, it’s best to leave it till it’s close to the wedding. But you can talk about what you think you’d like to know. Like how far you are willing to explore your sexual life, how far you are willing to go, how often it should be and so on. It is also pertinent to discuss health concerns, if there are any.

4. Extended family

We must understand that when we marry someone, we are marrying their entire family too. Family is a huge part of both your lives but you’re coming together to start a new family which should be priority.

It is important to create systems to help you still stay in touch with your individual families and show them love but still prioritize each other.

Boundaries should be set. It is important to discuss about every family member in detail with your spouse to be. This should be vice versa. Emphasis on mum, dad and family members whose voice matter.

Tell your partner about their attitude and how to relate with them. You have lived with your family members all your life & you know their love and anger button. Relate this to your spouse to be to help he /she in relating with them.

How much room is to be given to in-laws?

  • Can in-laws visit? How long? What kind of in-law? (Just immediate family or everyone from the village?)
  • What are you both allowed to do and give to your families?
  • Do in-laws have a say in your marriage? In some families, some important decisions cannot be taken until certain people accept it. Who are these people? Let your partner know them. Could be an aunty, uncle, elder sibling.

5. Children

Children are a big deal. Forgetting to discuss them is a recipe for many unnecessary future differences.

  • Do you both want kids?
  • Are you waiting before having kids?
  • How many kids?
  • Are you spacing them?
  • Godforbid, but if the need arises, are you both open to the idea of things like IVFs, C-sections, Surrogacy?
  • Dual citizenship for your kids? Are you saving up or praying towards that?
  • Trust funds, and investments for the kids?

6. Family value system

Together, you should create your family value system while courting. Family value system is synonymous to family goals..
This is the system that guides your operation as a family..
For a Christian couple, you should have core values like love, forgiveness, joy, care, righteousness, peace, prosperity, healing, diligence, purity, good character, excellence, patience, faithfulness etc.
These goals will be passed on to the children when they come.

Generally, there shouldn’t be a limit to what can be discussed in a courtship/relationship. It is wise to speak up and ask questions especially about things you have concerns about. Communicate and avoid assumptions like a plague.

Special thanks to Mrs B. Andrews, Chef George, Mrs. O, and Chef Paul for their huge contributions to this post.

What other topics should be discussed before marriage? Leave a comment and let us continue the conversation below.

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Surprise Proposal on her Birthday. George and Evan’s Love and Proposal Story. #madetolove.

Set me as a seal over your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is as strong as death, passionate love unrelenting as the grave. Its darts are darts of fire— divine flame! Rushing waters can’t quench love; rivers can’t wash it away. If someone gave all his estate in exchange for love, he would be laughed to utter shame.”

The Bible

Today, we’re getting all the feels as we bring you a beautiful story of Love. A beautiful relationship on the journey of building a Godly Home.

Evan said yes to the love of her life on the 30th of June 2020 in a surprise proposal that George planned. What should have been a simple birthday shoot for Evan became her proposal and the couple will be saying their vows before God and family in a few months time.

George narrated their proposal story to us and it’s the most beautiful thing ever. Read it below.

From George,

“The proposal was originally planned for 2019. That was when I received the concept. So, I started planning towards her 2019 birthday but somehow, it didn’t work and I believe it’s because it just wasn’t time yet.
When 2020 came, I was looking at proposing early in the year but with the whole pandemic thing, I could not travel so, I decided to fall back to the original birthday plan.
Evan is a very smart girl so she was bound to find out. Her birthday is on the 30th of June and she had said in time past that she loved birthday proposals. So she would have known that I was planning to give her that. In order to get her mind off it and successfully pull off the surprise, I had to pray.
Because she had told me that she would be so prayerful and in partnership with the Holy Spirit that she’d know when it was going to happen. So the only thing I could do to shift her mind from it was pray and plan.
I went ahead of her and prayed to get her mind off it. Then I crafted a plan to distract her. I talked about the proposal with her and made her believe there’d be no surprise and we’d just have a small proposal at a private dinner.
So we “agreed” that we’d have a proposal in July when I came to Abuja. She believed I wouldn’t be in Abuja earlier than July. So we began planning ahead of July. I started making arrangements for her dress and hair and other general plans.
On my end, I was already making plans to surprise her for her birthday in June. So I called @culinarypaul, a couple of close friends and her siblings to help.
We successfully made the plan, but when the time started approaching, the lockdown was still in place and the interstate travel restrictions was still a little strict, but I was really determined to do the proposal on her birthday. So I was left with very few options. I couldn’t fly (airports were closed) so I had to go by road.
I needed a good venue and I wanted her to be dressed for the occasion so I told her that I had planned a photoshoot for her birthday with @solomonoluwatisinphotography as part of her birthday package since I couldn’t be there.
So she dressed with a photo shoot in mind. We talked about stuff like choice of outfits and I suggested that she wore her dinner dress which was supposed to be for our proposal in July. But she objected saying she wanted to reserve the dinner dress for our special moment.
That was a dilemma for me because I needed her to be wearing the red dress when I would propose but I couldn’t press too much if not I’d give something away and she’d begin to suspect.
I made her sister try to convince her but she didn’t budge.Thankfully, she called me sometime later saying she had reconsidered and would take a few pictures with the dress.

Two days to the D-day, I got on the road and didn’t want her to suspect so I had to pretend like my battery was low. It was a frustrating experience because I had to refrain from calling her and we had not stayed without communicating with each other for up to 24hours in a long time so it felt strange. She’d call and I’d have to makeup stories.
Fortunately, everything worked according to plan eventually. I got to Abuja and started finalizing plans. I got to the venue and was part of the people who decorated. And she wasn’t aware.
We got a saxophonist and other nice stuff just to surprise her.
I persuaded her that I would pay for a service apartment for her photoshoot as against a studio rental. She wanted to know why, and I said it was due to the pandemic. A studio rental wouldn’t be a safe option. I told her I wanted her to celebrate her birthday in the apartment, I had paid for food so she could eat after her shoot.
On the 30th of June which is Evan’s birthday, she went for her photoshoot first at the studio then proceeded to the service apartment to continue. Unknown to her, I was already in the premises, in the kitchen.
She had already taken off her red dress to change outfits but I had to tell them to persuade her to put it back on because she had to be in the red dress for the proposal. They told her that they wanted to take a few more shots in the red dress so she had to change.
After she changed, they made a blindfold on her to usher in her birthday surprise. Then, I walked into the room.
She was so so shocked. I achieved the surprise proposal and that happens to be one of the happiest and best moments of my life.”


If I had a flower for every time I thought of you … I could walk through my garden forever.”― Alfred Tennyson


Their Love Story

From Evan:

“Ours is a story of Love, Faith and Hope.We met on campus and became friends in our first year in the university ?. Sometime in 2015, George told me I was nothing short of the woman he would love to spend the rest of his life with. But we didn’t start dating until 2018 when he again asked me to consider his intentions, which I did.On the 30th of June 2020, I said YES to the man created for me in the presence of our friends and family.We are just a boy and a girl greatly helped by God.”

Read: Grace and Emmanuel found love in church

“God’s love supply is never empty.”


From George;

“We were made to Love.
Love they often say is a beautiful thing, but then Love is far more than a thing ’cause Love is God, We love because we were created in His likeness and We tend to Love more and better the closer we are to God. My Love for Evan is a God thing and that’s why it’s limitless, timeless and has no boundary as I often tell her it’s like an irreversible reaction.

The next best thing that happened to me after my salvation encounter was meeting my best friend, and this happened in 2015.
Fastforward to the 30th of June 2020 being her Birthday, I asked the most beautiful woman I’ve met and will ever meet to marry me and She said Yes!
It’s so thrilling and exciting to be getting married to my best friend. I have no fears for our future because our union is firmly established in God. I am ready to show our generation pure and undiluted love, I am ready to rewrite the narrative. I am ready to be your Lifetime Personal Chef, Evan ??. I thank God for bringing you into my life!”

Read: Grace and Emmanuels wedding; the journey to forever


How beautiful are their stories? ?

There’s no better foundation to lay your love relationship on than God who is Love Himself and it’s always a delight seeing couples who have chosen to make God the first party of their 3 fold cord.

Watch this space and subscribe via your email below for more information on #EvaGeezy2020


Marriage Is Not The End Of The Search For Love. It’s The End Of The Search For The Person To Love. The Search For Ways To Love That Person Has Just Begun”


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George and Evan’s relationship blog on Instagram here

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Couple Goals?… Or not. Be careful what you pray for


A few days ago, a very dear mentor shared something that made me pause and reflect. She was talking about a YouTuber called Cydnee who has beautiful blue eyes. Everyone who watches Cydnee’s channel loves her eyes so much that they always compliment it and even wish they had it. It was on recently that Cydnee did a video explaining why she has blue eyes. Apparently, the blue eyes were as result of a genetic defect called Waardenburg syndrome that causes loss of pigments in the eyes, skin and hair. That’s not the end of it. This genetic effect also has a side effect which is hearing loss.
This mentor of mine ended by saying something profound. In her words, “So, yes she has beautiful blue eyes but she’s also deaf in one ear. So be informed before you wish for all sorts.”

This right here is what made me decide to take this blog post from my drafts and share it with the world.

Aren’t we fond of wishing for stuff we know absolutely nothing about?

It’s no news to my blog readers that I am a helpless romantic. Everyone around me knows this. Seeing two people committed to each other in love, gives me joy. Seeing them sacrifice for each other, love each other and be kind to each other makes me smile.

But there is a new trend among young people that we need to examine. A trend that involves getting too involved with happy couples on social media and wishing to have what they have.

Young people just see really beautiful images or videos of couples and all they think of and type is “Couple Goals”, “I wish I had this”, ” I’m praying for a husband like yours”, or a marriage like this. etc.

Please we need to go easy on that.

How do you just see a beautiful picture or a possibly scripted video and decide that it’s what you want for your life? Do you know what these people put up with behind closed doors?
I am not saying that all couples who post online aren’t genuinely happy, but we definitely know that there is no marriage that is void of challenges. Their challenge may not be one you can handle, why are you trying to carry a cross that isn’t yours?

In recent times, quite a number of very celebrated celebrity marriages have failed due to all sorts of evils. Things we had no idea they were battling with while putting up a show for us on social media.

While you were loving them and wishing for what they had, they were going through stuff and almost just flatmates or strangers living under the same roof.

Seeing only the superficial aspect of something and desiring the whole package is not very wise. Literally nobody will take a picture of themselves crying in a bad marriage or a video of themselves arguing and fighting. No.

It’ll always be the highlights and the happy times. Always.
Words are very powerful, so don’t think saying “I want a marriage like this” will just disappear into thin air.

It’s okay to love couples you see around and online. But instead of wishing and praying for what they have, how about you appreciate them, love their pictures but pray for the marriage that God wants for you. A marriage that is yours and not another’s.

Pray for a marriage that will bring you peace and true happiness. One that mirrors God actual model of marriage; Christ and the Church. A spouse that will be a forgiver and a giver. A marriage that will be built on God and will stand the test of time and storms. A marriage that will draw you closer to God, making you grow deeper in the love of the Father. A marriage where you do not have to pretend because joy actually flows. A marriage where you both submit to each other and to God in love. A marriage that will not end in premium tears but will be filled with joy and peace in the Holy Ghost.

Why not change your prayer point today. The next time you see your “couple goals”, love them without coveting.
God has something beautiful for you too but you definitely won’t get it by wanting someone else’s.