Posted on 7 Comments

Aisha’s Dilemma

“Woman, speak to your daughter! She will marry whoever it is that I choose for her” Alhaji said as he stormed off. His baban riga flowing behind him.

“Noooooo” Aisha wailed. “Umar loves me and I love Him too…”

“Shut up! What do you know about love? You’re just 19. You will grow to love whoever your father chooses for you” Her mother interjected.

Umma please don’t do this to me, do you want me to be miserable for the rest of my life? Give me this chance to have a happy life please. Talk to Alhaji” Aisha pleaded, holding on to her mother’s wrapper.

“Aisha, listen to me, Your father knows what is best for you, after all, he gave birth to you. Please my daughter, try to see things his way. Umar’s father and yours have never been friends” Hajiya said, gently pulling out her wrapper from her daughter’s palm.

“Is that all that matters to you? One stupid fight? What about my happiness, Umma? Do you and Alhaji ever think of my happiness too? Or do you want me to be an unhappy old woman like you? You were forced to marry Alhaji and look how it has turned out for you. Sadness is written all over…” a stinging slap for her mother cut Aisha short.

“How dare you talk to me in such disgusting manner? You are a very stupid girl, wawuya kawai” Hajiya hissed, walking out angrily through the same door her husband took.

“How will I ever live without Umar? My life will be miserable. After all the plans we have made together for our future. I can’t stand any other man” Aisha said to herself, tears pouring down her face.

??????

Umar

Umar

It’d been 20 minutes since Aisha got to Umar’s house bearing the bad news from her parents.

She had sat, watching him pace back and forth more than 30 times.

“Say something please” She said, almost whispering.

“Let’s run away” He bluntly replied.

“What?”

“You heard me. Let’s elope. It’s obvious that your parents will never like me and soon they’ll get you a husband. Come with me now and let us go very far before it gets to that point”

“Umar, are you in your right senses? How dare you suggest such a thing?”

“I know how terrible it sounds but that’s the only option baby na. I can’t bear to see you leave me. Aisha I love you” Umar looked like he was going to cry. He had come to sit beside her, putting her hands in his.

“I can’t. I mean, it’s not even possible”

“It is, my darling. I’ll soon get a job with my medical certificate, my business can sponsor our trip and settlement in another state, pending when I get the job. We can go to Kano, I know how much you love the big city. I’ll do my best to give you your dream life then we can come back when tempers have cooled and beg our parents. You may just have to defer this semester or session and come back to continue later but everything will be fine Aisha, I promise.”

“Umar, I’m scared”

“Baby, please do this for us. If we allow them, these people will kill what we have” He went on his knees.

??????

Ahmed

Ahmed

“I’m afraid your daughter will not consent, Alhaji. She seems to have been charmed by that boy”

Ahmed had come to pay a visit to Aisha’s parents after his friends told him that they had seen Aisha around Umar’s house.

“Don’t say that Ahmed. Aisha is my daughter and will do whatever I ask her to. Just be patient, she will be your wife.” Alhaji replied.

“I really hope so Alhaji. I desire your daughter, she’s so beautiful and decent unlike many ladies I know” Ahmed had a stern look on his face.

“I brought my daughter up well. She’s very intelligent and decent, the envy of other maidens. As you know she’s already ripe for marriage and many suitors have come but I have turned them down. I want to make the right choice for her. I want a man who will allow her continue her university education as she’s in her 3rd year already and you are the man I have chosen so you have nothing to worry about.”

“Thank you Alhaji, you know I’m up to the task. Aisha will finish in school and even go for her second degree but I’m still worried she’ll choose Umar over me” Ahmed fumbled with his car keys.

“She won’t” Alhaji said, trying to convince himself too.

“She is at his house as we speak and that is why I came here to report to you”

Alhaji stood up in anger. “What!? Okay. I know what to do. I will handle this”

??????

Two weeks later.

Aisha ran out of her lecture theatre. Umar’s friend Habib had sent her a text saying Umar was involved in an accident and was rushed to the hospital.

She rushed into her car, started it and sped like she had never done in her life. Her heart raced. What could have happened?

In no time she was at the hospital.

One look at the love of her life and Aisha burst into tears. Whatever had happened to him had left him battered, barely recognizable.

?????

“He was attacked on his way home today by a group of hoodlums. Apparently, your dad had sent them to warn Umar to leave you. Umar’s life is in danger because of you.” Habib explained to Aisha as they walked through the corridor outside the ward where Umar was being treated. Umar had been fast asleep when Aisha got to the hospital and the nurses had told her not to disturb him.

“But why?” Aisha sniffed. Fresh tears poured down her face. “But why would Alhaji do such a thing?”

Deep within her, she wasn’t surprised. For two weeks now, she had been scared such a thing would happen after her father had slapped her for going to Umar’s house and said he’d handle both of them. Aisha knew her father and knew how far he could go.

“Umar doesn’t want to take this up with him for obvious reasons. You both need to talk, he should be awake now. Maybe you should go in and see him.”

??????

“Umar I’m so sorry. I knew he was angry but I didn’t know he could go this far” Aisha whispered. Her eyes were swollen from tears.

“Your father hates me for no reasonable reason.”

“I’ll talk to him”

“Talk?” Umar laughed bitterly. “Did you say talk? Who can talk to your father? No one”.

” Umar please forgive him for my sake” Aisha managed to say as tears started pouring from her eyes again.

Umar flinched. He couldn’t bear watching her cry. Why did life have to be so hard? Why did he have to suffer for the fight his father had with Aisha’s father years before they were born? Was the fight even the reason or did Aisha’s father just hate him?

“Aisha, is this where our love story ends? Is this where the journey stops and we part ways? Is this how your father will break us?”

“No, Abba! Don’t say that” She sometimes called Umar “Abba” meaning “father”. She said he was everything to her including a father.

“Then let’s leave together. Let us leave this town and begin our lives afresh in a new place. Your father will get over it.”

“I can’t”

“Why?”

“Umar, isn’t there another way?”

“I can’t think of any. Your father has sworn never to give you his blessing if you marry me and he promises to hurt me. The only choice we have is to leave his sight.”

Abba Let us give him time and see if he changes.”

??????

6 months later

Aisha walked through her father’s garden in the early hours of the morning. It was her wedding day.

Shortly after the first one, her father had sent people to attack Umar again.

Aisha smiled, a bitter regretful smile as she picked flowers from the garden as she strolled by.

Umar had come begging her to leave the city with him. He had gotten a job in Kano that came with a house and an official car. He promised to make her happy but she had refused. A decision she regretted immediately she made.

The next day, she had gone to Umar’s house only to be told that he left for Kano very early that day and left no address or contact. Aisha had cried every day for weeks.

Her father eventually forced her to accept Ahmed who she couldn’t even stand.

The days passed slowly and her wedding date was fixed.

“Aisha, come and have your bath. We don’t want to be late” Aisha’s mom called from inside.

Aisha sighed heavily. She was getting married to Ahmed while the love of her life was far away.

It was about to be a very long day.

??????

“How dare you Aisha?”

The wedding was over, friends and family had gone back to their abodes. The wedding was a big one.

Aisha had been taken to her husband’s house and had done everything a new wife was expected to do.

She woke up late in the night and walked to the kitchen to get some water to drink when she heard footsteps and the voice behind her.

“How dare you?!” Her husband repeated.

Aisha looked up at her husband. “What do you mean Ahmed? What did I do?”

“You and your family made a fool out of me” Ahmed said, almost whispering.

“How? What are you talking about?” Aisha asked, even more confused.

Ahmed looked up at her with bloodshot eyes like he was ready to pounce on her any minute.

“Who disvirgined you?”

To be continued next week Friday

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed reading. Head back here next week Friday for the concluding part of the story.

Posted on 5 Comments

Black Girl Magic || Interview with Grace Onu on Friends.

“True friends are like diamonds—bright, beautiful, valuable and always in style.”

-Nicole Richie

How do you identify your friends, what are the benefits and how do you maintain them?

Learn these and more on this amazing interview with Grace Onu.

Dupe : Welcome to Dupe’s Blog ma.

Thank you so much for having me, it’s an honour ?

Dupe: Can we meet you?

My name is Grace Egbi Onu, I’m currently an Msc student with the Department of Crop protection ABU but I also work part time with an Agricultural research firm that works with rural farmers across Northern Nigeria. I’m from Benue state.

Dupe: Do you love being a black girl?

I absolutely love being a black girl, there is just something unique about it.

Dupe: Can you mention one aspect of the black girl you love?

Our resilience, our ability to get back on our feet, no matter what life throws at us. This is one quality that stands out the most for me.

Dupe: Would you describe yourself as someone who has friends?

Yes I would, I love people, I always enjoy getting to meet new people.

Dupe: Do you think the black girl needs friends?

Absolutely, friends make things easier. As social beings, we thrive on relationships.

Even God desires a relationship with us, how much more we who where created in His image. We were created for relationships and friendship is one of those.

Dupe: What are the benefits of friendships?

There are lots and lots of benefits that one derives from genuine friendships.

  1. There is the support system that friendship gives, you have a shoulder(s) to cry on when the days are tough and also someone to rejoice with you when things are going well.
  2. Also friends challenge you to be a better person.
  3. Companionship is another benefit.

There are so many benefits of friendship
Especially when the friendship is a genuine one, where you both have the best interest of each other at heart.

Dupe: How does one win friends? How did you win yours?

Well the Bible speaking in the book of Proverbs 18:24a (KJV) says “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly”.
To win friends, you must first be a friend. I don’t think friendship is about yourself, it’s all about the other person, you have to care about people and be really concerned about them.

When people know they can trust you and you care about them, their hearts are automatically opened to you.
As my spiritual father and Mentor Apostle Joshua Selman says “the highest psychological need of man is to feel loved,valued and appreciated”
This is truly the crux of friendship.

Dupe: How does one maintain friendships?

To maintain friendship you have to be aware first of how friendships functions.
My Spiritual father taught on this in a message titled “Understanding people, maintaining relationships” but I’ll just try and say a little
We have friends who are just “everyday acquaintances” these are people we see everyday, say “hi” to them and it ends there.
Then we have the “special interest friends“, these ones are people who are probably in the same unit with you in church, or you work in the same fellowship or have similar hobbies.
And then the “intimate confidant”
Friendship with the intimate confidant is one that requires you to intentionally maintain it.
This requires time, trust and commitment.

Dupe: How does one identify an “intimate confidant” and separate that relationship from others?

The intimate confidant is that friend the Bible says “sticketh closer than a brother” you can have the highest level of intimacy with these ones and share your deepest thoughts and concerns.

Like I said, this type of friendship requires time, commitment and trust. It’s not something that is built over a short while.

I’m personally of the opinion that God just connects you to these ones. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that you won’t have to work to maintain this kind of friendship it just means your hearts are naturally inclined to them.
Some friendships are also for seasons, God brings them into your life for a season and a reason.. It’s important to know so we don’t overstretch it.

Dupe: How do you handle conflicts with your friends?

Your friends will hurt you, so be prepared for it. When this happens, express your feelings honestly and without resentment and then forgive them. Also be humble enough to ask for forgiveness when you know you have hurt their feelings. A proud person CANNOT keep friends. So when conflict happens, just forgive.

Dupe: Finally, can you highlight 3 major things close friends have helped you with?

Yea,

  1. My relationship with God: they have challenged me to seek and know God better.
  2. They rallied around me when I had a life challenging experiences.
  3. They also helped me be a better person and also let me understand the value of having good people around you

Dupe: Thank you so much for your time. We hope to have you again.

Thank you also for having me, I had so much fun and I’m looking forward to it. God bless you.

What lessons have you learnt about friends? Leave comments and let’s discuss.

Share this post with your friends if you loved it.

Posted on 7 Comments

Black Girl Magic || Interview with Deborah Shaibu on Money Management.

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” -Joan Rivers

A woman’s best protection is a little money of her own.” -Clare Boothe Luce

Financial independence is of utmost importance, even to the black woman and today, Beauty Queen Debbie Shaibu shares with us on finances. It is no rocket science; she shares simple tips that’s are easy to adopt.

Enjoy the read.

Dupe: Welcome to Dupe’s Blog ma’am

Deborah Shaibu: Thank you, it’s wonderful to be here.

Dupe: Can we meet you?

Deborah Shaibu: Ok, I’m Debbie Shaibu, a final year English major, beauty queen, breast cancer ambassador, writer, beauty enthustast and budding entrepreneur, well, I’m quite a Jack of all trades.

Dupe: Tell us a little about yourself.

Deborah Shaibu: I’m a focused, passionate and ambitious person who commits herself totally to whatever she envisions which has had its pros and cons. I’m a God lover, currently on a quest to know God personally and I’m also very passionate about women and women’s rights which lead me to pageantry. I love to eat(I bet you’ve never heard a beauty queen say that lol), read, write, do DIY projects, travel and spend quality time with myself and those I love.

Dupe: Tell us about the pageant you won.

Deborah Shaibu: Ok, well, Miss Comely Queen Nigeria is an annual pageant which equips its queens with resources they need in order to take giant strides against cancer, especially breast cancer. I’m currently working on my pet project which is going to be a concert to raise awareness for cancer among youth through entertainment.

Dupe: Do you love being a black girl?

Deborah Shaibu: Whoo-hooo!!! I’m literally screaming right now because I can’t find words to quantify how much I’m grateful to be a black woman. I love everything from our thick hair to our shiny ebony skin, curvaceous hips and strong character. I think God made black women to show off his creative skills.

Dupe: Let’s talk about money. How important is financial strength to the black girl?

Deborah Shaibu: Extremely important, like Robert Kiyosaki said “Money isn’t the most important thing but it sure affects everything that is important”. Financial strength makes us better people, better Girlfriends, better wives, better mothers, etcetera. And I’m really glad that our generation of women have realized this and are no longer sitting lethargically, waiting on a man to provide their daily bread.

Dupe: So you’re saying the black girl needs financial independence not just a man to take care of her bills?

Deborah Shaibu: Exactly.

Dupe: How bad is financial stress?

Deborah Shaibu: I think almost every adult knows just how terrible it is to be under financial duress. It reduces people into nagging, worried shadows of themselves. The love of money might be the root of all evil, but the lack of it is definitely the mother of all distractions.

Dupe: What simple habits can be practiced to avoid financial duress?

Deborah Shaibu: READING!!! Read read read!! Read, Watch and listen to things that improve your financial knowledge. The goal is to know more today than you did yesterday.

Also, knowledge isn’t power, applied knowledge is power so if you don’t apply the knowledge you acquire, it’s simply as good as no knowledge at all.

Work on your inner self, examine your core beliefs because like Oprah Winfrey said, “Our doing is fueled by our being“. Check your daily habits and learn to be an excellent money manager which simply means master the art of budgeting your money, saving to invest and pay for your future. Also, take time to learn about investing and make investments because passive income is real wealth. Most importantly, follow your dreams, seek out what sets your soul on fire because you can only be truly successful when you love what you do and finally, none of this will be possible without discipline and gradual self mastery. Oh! And never, ever ever ever give up and quit.

Dupe: You mentioned budgeting. How do you track where your money goes?

Deborah Shaibu: Ok, some people suggest making out time at the end of every day to write down everything you spent your money on that day and that’s fine if you can keep up with that daily and also remember everything you purchased that day down to even a lollipop.

That doesn’t work for me so I practice monthly and weekly budgeting which to me is more flexible and time friendly. Every month, I divide my money in respective percentages to different bank accounts which gives me a clearer view of how much is for what and weekly, I write down my wants and needs plus miscellaneous because I can be quite impulsive sometimes and allocate certain amounts of money to each so I know how much my spending limit on e.g. fast food is for that week and it sort of functions as a mental compass for me.

Dupe: How do you identify your needs and differentiate them from your wants?

Deborah Shaibu: Needs are things you can’t live without like food and rent, while wants are things that you can forgo without any consequences.

Dupe: How much shopping is too much shopping?

Deborah Shaibu: Shopping that exceeds the amount of money budgeted for shopping is too much shopping.

Shopping for things we don’t need or sometimes even want is impulsive & shopping to impress or intimidate people we don’t even like is plain stupidity.

“Stop buying things you don’t need, to impress people you don’t even like.” -Suze Orman

Dupe: What should be our attitude to borrowing and lending?

Deborah Shaibu: Well there’s good debt and bad debt. Good debt is money you borrow to finance an investment that will produce more money e.g. buying a rental property or acquiring land while bad debt is money we borrow to squander e.g. a car or house loan. My advice would be to steer clear of bad debt. If you must borrow, keep it small and if it’s a large sum, make sure someone else is paying the debt back (e.g. tenants pay back the owner’s loan on a rental property). Lending is okay if you know how to do it right, you trust the person you’re lending money to and you don’t stretch your purse too thin.

Dupe: Thank you so much for your time. We hope to have you here again soon.

Deborah Shaibu: Thanks for having me, I’m truly honoured.