REGRETS – My story

Currently listening to God favored me by Hezekiah Walker.

Happy Friyay guys! #TGIF

I was to have an online night prayer last week which was supposed to start by 12am on Friday, the first of December. I was to lead a session of prayer.
Meanwhile, I had a photoshoot on Thursday which was quite stressful and I was tired so I began searching my bag of tricks for a trick to keep me awake till 12am, if I was back in school in the hostel, that would have been easy but I wasn’t so…

I forced myself to stay in the parlor and kept my eyes glued to the TV in a bid to keep them open.
10pm at home and everyone was ready to sleep so I had to move to my room.
Tick tock, tick tock the clock sounded and I yawned after every blink of my eye.
10:20pm and I knew I had to sleep, not even my phone could keep me awake. I decided to employ a few tricks; I set my alarm for 11:30pm, I kept my phone close to my ear then I drank a lot of water, knowing I’d have to wake up to ease myself, then I slept peacefully.
“Alagbada ina, He’s my father….” My phone blasted in my head.
That was my alarm, I got up. It was 11:30pm on the dot and I woke up at the first ring because I was already pressed.
After easing myself. I came back to my bed and started my yawns again.
“It’s just 11:37, let me rest small” (Rest after sleep, nawa o. The things we say for sleep).
I lay my head down again and BOOM, I took off.
My brothers and sisters, the next time I’d wake up, it was 3:30am in the morning.
The only thing I didn’t do was cry, even that, I almost did.
I wailed in my heart. I went online and read the prayers for the vigil. They had even called me to remind me but I didn’t wake up and they called only once.
Smokes of regret engulfed me and threatened to choke me.

Regret is an appalling waste of energy, you can’t build on it – it’s only good for wallowing in.

Katherine Mansfield

I believe you all can relate. The kind of regret you feel when you let something slip right through your palm. When you were so close, yet so far.

It happens a lot with sleep for me, I stay up till the 11th hour and then I’m off.
I was so pained and all I could do was sit up with my fist under my chin.

“Dupe, why are you like this na? The year is ending, people are getting more serious but your own case is different! Nawa o.”
I felt like slapping myself.
Then I sent a text to my best friend who is in camp, pouring out my foolishness and laziness.
I ended the text with “I missed the vigil 😞”.
Then his reply came in
“Awwwwwwnn, I’m so sorry and I couldn’t wake you up. Don’t beat yourself on this. You’ve done beautifully well right from when you started with them and I celebrate you greatly!
I honor your service!
More grace and strength for you darling.
I love you and you know Jesus loves you much more“.

Ahhh it was as though cold water was poured on my burning heart.
Jesus loves me.
I didn’t wake up for vigil but Jesus loves me!

I didn’t wake up to pray yet Jesus loves me!
I was lazy and complacent but Jesus loves me!
I was drowned in regrets and hated myself but it didn’t stop Jesus from loving me!

This knowledge on its own gave me strength and drove me deeper in love with God.

I immediately started a personal retreat and devotional for discipline to wage war against the spirit of slumber.

Someone just appreciated my efforts despite my mistakes. Have I ever commended myself like that?

How often do we spend our time in regret and fail to realize the fact that we have actually done something worth celebrating.
How often do we feel very bad about past mistakes and people around us make us feel worse?

How often do we give up on ourselves because we think “I’ll never overcome this”?.

Few weeks to the new year and all some of us have to show after a whole year is a full bowl of regrets.
Regrets for things we didn’t do.
Regret for things we did wrong.
Regrets for achieving so little when we believe we could have achieved more.
Regrets for this, regrets for that.
There are measures to be taken to stop the mistakes from repeating themselves but stop hating yourself first.
Today I want you to pile your regrets in front of you, smile at them and say “I made mistakes but I tried, I’m not going to cry over you anymore because I did things worth celebrating”

Life is too short, time is too precious, and the stakes are too high to dwell on what might have been.

Hilary Clinton

And although you’ll have to take certain steps towards ensuring they don’t happen again, like I did, I implore you not to over flog past mistakes.
LET THEM GO!

Don’t look back, you’re not going that way.
For the next one week, concentrate on the things you have done well in the whole of this year and celebrate yourself on them. Take yourself out, if you can afford it and tell yourself “I may not have done it all but I did something and since I’m alive, I am going to do more!”.

Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back.

Katherine Mansfield

And before the year ends, I’ll make a post to help us set goals, achieve them and conquer indiscipline.
Thank you for discovering and being a faithful reader of “Dupe’s Blog“, that is something worth celebrating yourself on.
Always remember that I love you and you can contact me privately to talk about anything.
Have a beautiful weekend.

Meanwhile Monday is my birthday and I’m in my birthday mood 😎.