Sex in a Christian Relationship

Over the past few weeks, the number of stories and cases of premarital sex I’ve heard is quite high. Even amongst the least likely people.

I’ve gotten mails and messages from a couple of people, asking about my thoughts on premarital sex and I’m addressing it all today.

I understand when non-christians engage in casual sex. In fact, that is the trend in our world today. Sex in love relationships is seen as normal and usual.

But I’ve always said and we see from scriptures that when you become one with Christ, you are new and cease to act like every other person.
You are no longer led by trends and patterns of the world but by the Spirit of God. So even when the whole world is involved in a practice, that should not move you

Stop imitating the ideals and opinions of the culture around you, but be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation of how you think. This will empower you to discern God’s will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in his eyes. Romans 12:2 TPT


I never have and will never be judgemental about things like this, however, God’s standards do not change and without mincing words, I’d like to start by saying that God is not in support of any kind of sex outside marriage. Premarital sex is fornication and extramarital sex is adultery. Both of these are sins and are not of God. It is God’s will that we stay chaste until marriage.

Apart from the Biblical aspects, there are other downsides to fornicate that range from pregnancy, to clouded judgement, to STDs and so on.
Engaging in premarital sex clouds your perspective and makes you shallow. You cease focusing on the very important and necessary things because your hormones would have clouded your lenses.
Today, I’ll be talking strictly about premarital sex (fornication) and extramarital (adultery) because I’m not married yet and I don’t feel authorized to talk about it.

Let’s talk.

A Christian relationship is not and should not be the world’s definition of a relationship. A Christian relationship is where a Christian home starts.
All things being equal, a Christian relationship should end up in marriage and not just any marriage but a marriage that brings glory to God. And so values that are consistent with God’s Word are built from the relationship level.

That being said, you’ll be delusional to be in a non-christian relationship and expect to magically land in a Godly Kingdom home.
No No No. It doesn’t work like that. Building a godly home, starts from a godly relationship.


However, the fact that you’re in a Christian relationship does not negate your biology.

It is very important to be physically attracted to your partner and if this is in place, then there definitely will be days when you want to give way to the flesh and just have sex. This is why you must intentionally put systems in place to ensure that this does not happen.

Also, if you’re already involved in premarital sex, it’s not the end of the world. It’s not too late to make a new decision. Go before God in repentance and start on a new note.


Below are a few ways to maintain or start practicing abstinence in your Christian relationship.
+ A short prayer at the end.

It starts with God and You

If you do not make the resolve within yourself even before you get into a relationship not to engage in premarital sex, then no one can help you.

Your inner resolve is very powerful and is the first step in this journey. Understand the importance of your body to God and based on this understanding, make a commitment to God and yourself to keep your body.
You can not do this by your strength, so you must acknowledge your humanity and weakness before God and ask Him to help you.

Grace + your self discipline is the first step.

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.
Romans 12:1 KJV

You and your partner should be on the same page.

A nice young lady once lamented to me about how much she wants to honor God and stay away from premarital sex but her man was not helping. He kept luring her into it.

Frankly speaking, as an unmarried, after God, your body belongs to you, so no one has legal rights and claims over your body. You must be rigid with your resolve to stay celibate and make it clear to your partner.

Together, you should make a commitment to keep your bodies until marriage.

Sis, if he does not agree with this, then it simply means, you both do not have the same fundamental background values and I’m sorry it may just be time to let that man-go.

Be accountable.

First to God, then to either your mentor, pastor or even parents. It’s easier to behave yourself when you know your spiritual leaders are aware of your relationship.

Set specific boundaries.

When some people say they don’t kiss in their relationship, I see the look of disbelief, mockery and sarcasm on other people’s faces.

If someone chooses not to kiss or be intimate in other ways in their relationship, they’re not being “too holy”, they’re just setting boundaries to keep them in check.

A pidgin adage says “”na from clap dance they start“. This means that one thing leads to another. Never be ashamed of setting specific boundaries in your relationship.

Avoid creating the atmosphere.

Just like you can create an atmosphere of worship for the Holy Spirit to come, you can create an atmosphere that triggers your hormones.

Amen? Amen.

Candle lit dinner dates, going over to the house for a visit at night or alone and so on, are good but will only create an atmosphere for raging hormones. Don’t start what you won’t like to finish.
A pastor friend of mine said “Sex is spontaneously easy to fall into, so don’t create the environment to begin with.”

Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem, by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer: Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up, until the time is ripe—and you’re ready. Song of Solomon 2:7 MSG

Channel the vibe elsewhere

Whenever the urge comes, do something else to distract you. Understand your body and be disciplined. The period when you have raging hormones, is not the tine to be seated in a house together. That’s the time to pray, go shopping, eat out or anything that takes the feeling away.

Finally, pray together, often.

“Marriage is honourable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Hebrews 13:4

Have you read these? : Kissing in a Christian Relationship

Scriptures and keys for godly relationships

Tame your love language

Prayer

Lord, we give You thanks for our beautiful friendship and relationship. We come before you today in repentance from any way we have dishonored You in our relationship, especially with our bodies. We make the decision today to stay chaste, holy and celibate, honoring You with our body and we ask that You help us. Thank You for Your Love that is ever with us and for Your Grace that strengthens us to do Your will. In Jesus’ Name we pray.

Amen

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8 Comments

  1. Thanks for this inspirational article. As God’s children we conform only to His standard. Sex is not sin but when done outside God’s order is sin. I celebrate you Mo.

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