A memoir: Any form of narrative describing the personal experiences of a writer.
Two weeks back, I shared on my insta story how surprised I was at the fact that I am gradually, yet suddenly becoming an introvert. Someone shared a few introvert memes and I could relate with all of them.
The very outgoing, friendly, and excited me?
My evolving over the years has probably surprised a few, but it has shocked me most.
The past year particularly, has done so much to me. I would call it growth but I don’t want to be too generic as this isn’t what growth is to everyone. Some part, yes. But not every part.
I have become an interesting blend of the following.
5 years ago, when I was in 100 level, staying in the hostel, I used to get cheated often. Especially at the tap when girls gathered to get water.
I was never confident enough to speak up for myself when someone came to push my bucket aside and put hers.
I didn’t know how much I have changed until just last session, this year. I had gone to the tap in the hostel to get water and while I looked away, one “sister” came to sow tares among my wheat. She shifted my bucket aside and placed hers.
The swiftness with which I set her bucket aside and the confidence, directness, assertiveness, class, and grammar with which I corrected her, is one that makes me smile every time I remember. Even as I write this post.
This has happened a couple of times and the way I have handled it every single time makes me so proud of my growth. I haven’t stayed in the hostel much after 100 level so I didn’t know how much I’d changed.
Dupe, version 2016 wouldn’t have done this. I would have watched her do it upset and probably complain when she’s gone.
I am still unable to make confrontations. If I ever do, I am forced to.
I’d rather just cry. Or walk away.
I am less confident about a lot of things in life now. Heck. My confidence in this world as a whole has dropped.
I have come to see how random and flawed this world is. I no longer hold it like a bag of rice. Maybe a cup of salt.
I now understand “never say never.”
I am quicker to listen and I now understand that may times, saying “it can never be me” is just folly and ignorance of how dynamic life can be.
There was a time in my life when I used to be excited about journeys. Even though I’ve always had motion sickness, I still used to be psyched about traveling back then. Whether it was by road or air. I used to pack my bags more than a month before the journey. Everyone at home used to be surprised at my energy.
Now, I pack my bags the night before I move. The only reason I don’t pack it last minute is because I want to be organized and not forget anything. if not, it’s just vibes and inshaAllah.
Hearing that someone got healed of an ailment, got a job, found something they were looking for, became saved, has clarity in life.
These things used to be “normal good news” to me. Nothing extraordinary.
But now. They’re such a big deal to me. I get extra happy and excited when I hear that someone made a breakthrough. I literally take up the happiness like it’s me it happened to.
When we were teenagers, I used to wonder what my big sister saw in money that she was always quick to save every money gift we got in her brown purse and keep it away.
I would wonder why she liked to have money even if she wasn’t going to spend it. She just wanted to keep her money, use it for whatever she wanted, and give whoever she wanted.
I was different. Every money that came my way was for instant spending. Never allowed to get cold (as e dey hot). I didn’t rate money at all. I wasn’t mindful of it.
Now, (laughs) I am more sensible regarding money (to put it in the mildest way possible). I realize how much of a tool it is, a means to an end, and I don’t joke with it. Money to buy the good things of life.
Money to make people experience a better standard of living.
Money to sponsor courses that matter in life.
Money to give access to options.
I am now money conscious. It is a tool and a defence.
The friendly child I was, growing up, is now returning. The child that my teenage years suppressed in a bid to be “cool and bougie.”
This child has now returned. She is daily finding expression and getting bolder. She generously gives smiles and complements to strangers she meets, she seizes every opportunity to give both tangible and intangible things.
The walls I built around me are tall and thick. Almost like Jericho’s.
I still have not found a way to let friends fully in. Not because I hate people. But because I love my space. A little too much.
Because when I’m alone, with no one else but God, I can be vulnerable and completely be myself.
Expressive. Reserved. Assertive. Reasonable. Considerate. Factual. Critical (in my thinking). Intentional. I could write on, on each of these, and the many things that I am. But I am tired from eating too much cake.
I am still fighting some enemies; procrastination, inconsistency, very short attention span, and indiscipline in some areas. But this is the year I slay them.
I have become some things. I will UNbecome some of it and because more of others.
Ultimately, I am becoming.
God’s model woman.
Happy birthday Dupe.
In some years to come, if Jesus tarries in coming, I will be back to read this memoir from my 2021 birthday. My musings after spending 2 decades and some years on earth.
This post is dedicated to my friend and brother Bukunmi ❤. I miss you everyday but even more today because my birthdays were always a big deal to you. You always did the most. You’d celebrate me, pray for me, buy presents and remind me about purpose and destiny. You have left this world of sin. You are now a cloud of witness. I will keep moving, smashing goals, making Jesus proud, and walking in purpose and the Glory of God. Because I know it is the Will of God and what you’d have wanted.