Posted on 31 Comments

Abstinence and Sexual Urges! – 11 Ladies Share their Experiences.

Will making the decision to be chaste or celibate automatically take sexual urges away?

The answer to that question should be a laugh.

I’ve always been an advocate for sexual purity and I’ve been very vocal about it. I believe in sex within the confines of marriage. Civilization and wokeness has not changed these standards. I believe in “marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled”. I believe that it is God’s will for us to be sexually pure.

But I’m also aware.

I am aware that as functioning humans, your body does not really care what decisions you have made about sex. The normal biological processes still go on.

The moment you get to a certain age, your body begins to function in a different way.

So, even when you decide to be chaste, your body may not exactly be cooperative. I’m pretty sure you can relate.

I got talking with a number of Nigerian ladies who are celibate and are waiting until marriage to have sex and they got vulnerable enough to share their experiences on sexual urges and the struggle with me. They consented to me sharing it here on the blog to encourage other ladies on this journey and to make them know that they are not alone.

So, below are the experiences of 11 ladies who are abstaining from sex on how they handle sexual urges. They shared very real, practical, funny and maybe a little raw (where necessary) experiences

– First, I understand the reason for those urges, so that I don’t feel guilty or some sort of way. I understand that there are times these urges come as a result of hormones; my body is ripe and ready for reproduction and that’s its way of communicating that to me.
Also, for the urges during menstruation, I believe that since it is a sensitive area, and there’s fluid there, it may tend to make you feel that.
Having this understanding is number one.

– Secondly, destiny.
I know what I want for my life and I’m aware that yielding to how I feel in that moment would bring regrets eventually.
Another thing that helps me is distraction. I read novels. They may not necessarily be Christian novels but they definitely should not have explicit content.

– Another thing that keeps me from giving in to that feeling is fear. I ask myself questions like “if I give in, how attached will I become with the person”?. “Will I be proud of it?” My answer is always “No”.

So, I behave myself.

I see the men around me as friends and brothers. That helps too. I also don’t want any guy to carry my name and spread and drag it. ?

– At the end of the day, it’s just God. His Grace. I believe that for God to give us an instruction to abstain, He knows why. Fornication spirals into different other things.
God will help us.

Miss H

Ive learned that sex is good, and not the “enemy”. It’s from God…timing is just the thing. So most times, I practice sexual transmutation instead. Intentionally putting my sexual energy into productive work. It works most times.

Miss G.

I speak to my body and my emotions. It not easy. It’s hard. I say to my body, you do not dictate to me, I dictate what you do. So, don’t control me.

This may sound funny, but it’s real.

At other times, I place my hands on my private part and ask it to be still?Whatever it takes to honour God, that I would do?

It’s not going to be all perfect. I remember when a new convert asked how I manage with this. The answer wasn’t difficult. Sometimes, we still mess up, sometimes we still do what we don’t want to do. But the goal is not to stay in your vomit. Rise up Immediately. God loves you and would never condemn you, speak to a trusted brethren about it, be accountable, be intentional, be disciplined and never boast in your strength.

Get up and continue running. Never stay fallen.

Miss F.

Mine happens mostly during ovulation, most times when I’m alone -that is when devil wants to do his work.

Once it starts, I find a way to meet and gist with anybody around me that time, or I go online when there’s data or just listen to some gospel music lol. It’s not easy when you start fantasizing about your dream man? To me, the best remedy to these feelings is not being alone, keep your hands and minds busy with anything that profits you

Miss Dee

I didn’t know this was a thing before I was in a relationship. When relationship came, urge came like 10 times higher??‍♀️I noticed mine recently!

Once I start to feel like being touched, cuddled or horny I just know that I’m ovulating. I cannot now be telling uncle bae how body is doing me *exactly* so as not to put ideas and stuff in his head.

I’m so free with my mum so I tell her I feel funny, she understands and says, stay in the midst of people a lot in the day (you cannot be doing gymnastics in front of them).

It worked but at night I pray heavily o before I will do the do in my dream with spirit husband??.

I really pray. Bottom line- do not be alone and pray heavily. It has really worked these days.

Miss R

For me, when having those feelings I immediately put on my earpiece to listen to gospel songs, watch funny videos..or gist with someone if close. At that time I can’t read the Bible or pray because while doing that, I still have the feeling.

Miss E

Firstly, I must say again it’s totally normal to have such feelings, it shows you’re a (normal) woman.
What to do in such period:

-Engage more in God’s word.

-Meditate and confess on the scriptures (your words are stronger than your thoughts)

-Leave that environment, go to where people are available.

-Be careful not to touch sensitive parts of your body.

-Also don’t do what will only promote such feelings e.g reading romance novels, watching romantic movies etc. (Don’t negotiate with the devil.)

-Keep yourself busy with spiritual activities and other helpful chores.-Prrraaaayyyy.
Lol quite lengthy??..but that’s what I do personally.

Miss D

My experience with this thing is very funny, I used to think something was wrong with me until I discovered that it was due to ovulation.

Mine usually happens when I sleep. It sometimes feel like I am dreaming because I usually wake up to the feeling ..

I usually have this sweet feeling around my genitals I don’t really know how to explain it but it makes me feel like I want someone to touch me at that moment.

The first thing I did was to understand that the reason why I was experiencing such is because my body was responding to some hormones being secreted. It wasn’t like I just decided to imagine things and bring those feelings.

So for me, the first step to overcoming is to understand that what you are experiencing is normal.

Secondly, when it happens, try to get your mind off it. Whatever you focus on, magnifies.
There are times that as human, we may allow our flesh come in the way and give way to fantasizing and enjoying it. But don’t dwell on it.
I used to keep my mind on it before and that was why I couldn’t handle the situation then.
Now I don’t focus on it anymore.

Miss J

Girl! Sexual urge do arise most times. Sometimes I entertain some thoughts and imaginations? but it stops there?

obara Jesus

Well for me most times when those thoughts and imaginations and urge arise, I quickly switch to the deposit of God’s word on the inside.

Most times I converse with the holy Spirit and the urge leaves?

Miss C.

Well, for me, my mind wanders and my imagination is wild! But knowing that our thoughts would also be judged, I feel guilty for doing that. So I just try to read stuff related to sex, like childbirth, pregnancy, wedding nights, honeymoons, weddings, and sometimes, read things to educate me in that area ‘cos frankly speaking, a lot of Christians prepare for marriage in many areas, except sex. Like…we don’t prepare our minds for it, and it can cause problems in homes and marriages. I believe in an ‘wholesome’, all-round development and preparation for the married life, and yes, ‘sex join the matter’. I also pray sometimes, and talk to myself that I’m doing the right thing.

Miss S.

Hi Dupe,
Making a decision to honour God with our body is a great decision anyone can make.

But as with any decision, there will always be need for responsibility, self discipline and THE GRACE OF GOD.
I can’t say I particularly remember making a decision to be celibate but I just found myself living the life from my teenage years.

Probably because my focus then was fully on academic success without time to think of relationship or sexual urges.

Method 1: Have a focus if Marriage is still far off. Career, academics, business, workout etc. You not being in a relationship, not having a male focus for your affection and not looking to please a guy will not make you even realize ovulation is doing anything

Growing older I took God seriously and apart from reading “don’t fornicate” in the Bible, I wanted to know why I should keep my self. I got an instruction particular to me about preserving the godly seed.. (Imagine my Joy when Apostle Joshua Selman did a teaching about it????).

Because of this revelation, I learnt to flee. I flee from any appearances of temptation and Pray and cry to God when it is hard or I am in a situation where I can’t get out of it.

And guess what, God always shows up.

He even helped me send someone away from Ilorin to Delta for NYSc just to leave me alone???‍♀??‍♀.

Method 2: If you follow laws blindly without having your own personal Conviction on why you should, it will be hard to keep and easy for sexual urges during ovulation to break your commitment.

Let you decision be personal to you (not general), let it not be because everyone is celibate.

If you have something you are preserving and working towards by your decision for celibacy, it will give you more motivation to fight for your decision.

Finally, I’m now in a relationship leading to Marriage and He is Fineee. I am older now, body is developed, and Ovulation is mad?.

Focus is shifting and what I didn’t see before , I can see now?? so I needed a strategy.

Method 3 strategy – Flee and Pray.

Flee, when you know your body is doing somehow, Don’t visit and don’t allow him to visit, use phone to call and check up.

Even if you have romantic date night planned or Movie night. Please and please CANCEL..

After canceling, use a few minutes to ask the Holy Spirit for strength. Then open Dupe’s blog for spiritual articles (DUPE INSERTS SMILE HERE?)

or read a book, watch movie or study your Bible. It helps.

If you Love “game of thrones” or any movie that has sexual scenes- Avoid them, it will just complicate matters… Or Harlequin novels??‍♀.

Just engage your mind in something else that will be interesting to you, it will get your mind off it.

Don’t over spiritualize it by binding or casting demons Sha..? it is a normal body something. Don’t do special prayers for ovulation. It will just keep your mind on it too much and you’ll go back to rolling on the Bed fighting temptation.

Don’t visit your cute male neighbor too o. Watch Big bang theory, you’ll laugh and forget ovulation until it is over.

In the day, keep yourself engaged in activities like normal..

It is well, Marriage will soon come and you won’t struggle again unless there is 300days fasting?

Miss F.

I thoroughly enjoyed making this blog post and I hope you enjoyed reading it too. If you’re on the celibacy journey, be motivated. You are not alone. I hope to cull out the lessons these ladies shared
publish them in a a different blog post.

Thank you for reading, please share your thoughts in the comments below and subscribe to my blog via your email. Sending loads of love your way.

Posted on 24 Comments

My Secondary School Crush || A Powerful Short Story

I had a crush in secondary school.

He was a senior in my secondary school who was so handsome, he gave me butterflies. I adored that boy. He had no flaw or imperfection in my eyes. He was perfect.
He was my senior by far but that didn’t stop me from falling. I remember how I’d stay back after school every time the seniors had a football match. I hated football but I’d wait back after school for every football game just to stare and behold his beautiful face.

I was struck. Enchanted.

Unfortunately/Fortunately, he never saw me that way. He saw me like a little sister (?). The only communication we had was “Hello” and “Hi”. At least he knew I existed (Thank God).

I remember the day he called me beautiful.

Well, I’m not sure he was talking to me because there was a lady beside me that day. But I chose to believe he was talking to me.

I almost didn’t sleep that day. I planned our wedding in my mind that night. I had married him, he just wasn’t aware.

I continued to crush on him until he graduated and left
me crushed.

Anyways, after my crush left, I forgot about him after some time and focused on getting better at school and developing myself.
I was a quite smart kid. I read wide and my mind moved really fast.

At 16, I could hold intelligent conversations with 25 year olds and above. If you didn’t see me in school uniforms, you’d never know I was a young girl.
The level of my mind made me attract older friends which further made me grow mentally.

I became very good at communication, I read more books, my writing improved, I was just experiencing all round flourishing personally.
Fast forward to few years later, My crush sent me a DM on Instagram.

Imagine my surprise when he sent “Hey dear”.

He liked a couple of my pictures and we got chatting. I went through his pictures and he had gotten even more handsome.

After some days, he asked to see me when he was back in town because he had traveled out of town for a training. I said yes, so when he got back, we went out to have lunch.

We ateand talked and by the end of that day, I knew that my crush was crushing on me.

The only problem was that I was no longer crushing on him. Very sad something. We still stayed in touch though because for some reason, he believed I would change my mind.

Some weeks later, I met another guy at the gym. He was tall, well built and very fine as well ☺. One talk led to another and he got my number.

By the end of that week, he made his intentions known, he was feeling the girl and wanted me to be his lady.

I don’t want this story to be extraordinarily long so I’ll just cut it short. I said NO to our gym uncle because I felt he was a little too old and we didn’t share certain core values.
Only for me to find out few days later that Our gym uncle is the cousin of my secondary school crush and I had no idea. They even lived together.
Can you imagine?

My 16year old self many years back would never have believed that it is possible to have my crush begging me to date him. Talk less of his cousin who was older and finer.

I shared this story because there’s a valid lesson I want to pass across.

Everything you want in this life also wants you but not this version of you.

Apostle Joshua Selman

Those people you want to be friends with, The Car you want to have, The House you’re passionate to have, People you admire, Relationships you want to be part of, etc.

All of these things and more will come to you by themselves the moment you become a better version of yourself.

Dear young girl, that guy that looks like he’s way out of your league and is treating you like thrash as a result. He’s only doing that because of the current version of you that he sees.

Growth attracts so many things.
A child may cry for new clothes for a long time and his parents may ignore but the moment that child physically grows notably, he doesn’t have to tell his parents before they run out to get new clothes for him.

You attract what looks like you.

Today, I challenge you to stop forcing things. Stop forcing relationships. Stop forcing people to respect you. Stop forcing yourself to pretend to be what you’re not.
Focus on growing and evolving instead. That is the easier way to get what you want.

“Greatness is attracted to your life when you evolve. When you change, things change.”#ApostleJoshuaSelman

Posted on 9 Comments

Sunday Vibes || She Laughs Without Fear Of The Future

I walked into my new home, holding the hands of the one I love the most; John.
Our wedding was finally over and it was time for our marriage to begin.

“Baby, we’re going to have a beautiful home. Jesus is with us” He said, smiling from ear to ear.

I smiled back and nodded. I really needed to hear those words “Jesus is with us”, because sincerely, lately I’ve been worried about this marriage.

Don’t get me wrong. I love John and there’s no other person on this planet who I’d want to spend the rest of my life with but I’m scared.

Where do I start from?
Will I make a good wife?
Will I make a good mom?
How will it be, living alone with a man? I’ve always lived with my parents.
Do we have enough to start a home?
What of the little things, here and there that we don’t have in our house yet?

All these thoughts flooded my mind as we walked into our new house. I over think things and it really affects me.
I pushed those thoughts aside, determined to enjoy my first night as a Mrs.

The next morning, we decided to unwrap our presents from the wedding and that was when my understanding was lightened.

I began to unwrap the most unexpected gifts from my friends and family; things I had been worried about, things I didn’t even know I’d need in my new house. They were all sitting right in front of me.

The door bell rang.

A man came to deliver a brand new deep freezer, another gift from my husband’s boss. I jumped in excitement.
I had been thinking about a deep freezer.

Worried about the fact that we didn’t buy one, but I didn’t want to stress John because he had spent so much already and I didn’t want to buy it with my money because I knew he’d not like it.

He always told me “Martha, we’ll get all of these things eventually. I want us to be frugal with money and plan for the days ahead.”

Now, behold, look at the deep freezer given to us on a platter of gold.

“Please sign here” The delivery man was telling my husband.
My husband took the pen and scribbled on a book, signifying that he had received the delivery.

“Thank you very much” He said to the the delivery man, after he had brought the freezer in and installed it.

I walked back into our room and looked at all the unboxed presents and tears filled my eyes. My friends and family had looked ahead of me, in this new journey and bought things that I didn’t even know I’d need. How thoughtful of them all.

All through that first week of my marriage, gifts kept rolling in from different people and by the end of the week, I had almost everything I wanted in my house and even more.

It wasn’t a completely perfect house, and all my worries aren’t settled yet. But I had a better understanding; God knows just what I need and he will supply everything at the right time.

Immediately a scripture popped into my mind.

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.

Proverbs 31:25 NLT

If my friends could go ahead to think of things I’d need to be comfortable in this new phase, how much more will God, my Father


“… and she laughs without fear of the future. “

Proverbs 31:25 NLT

There are times in our lives when we’re undergoing or should be undergoing a transition but it really looks blurry ahead.

Anxiety and fear fills our mind and we don’t know what lays ahead.

What if I don’t get that job after school? What if my parents die? What if I end up as a failure? What if no one wants to marry me?

These thoughts, those realistic, are faith killing.
The Devil takes advantage of these thoughts and plunges us into fear, uncertainty and even depression. He begins to show you all the reasons and the statistics why it’s not going to work out.

It all begins to “add up” and you feel like giving up at life.
I bring a Word from God to you today; Rest.
Your Father knows that you have need for these things.

In Matthew 6:32-33 when Jesus said,

So then, forsake your worries! Why would you say, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear? Only people who don’t know God are always worrying about such things. Your Father in heaven knows you need all of these.”

He wasn’t asking them to be irresponsible. He was asking them to replace worry with trust in God.

God knows I need that job, so as I pray and prepare for the interview, I’m not going with fear in my heart, I’m going with trust and assurance that if this one doesn’t work out, God will make another one to, because I am His child and all things work together for my good.

Today, I want you to replace every fear and uncertainty about your future with trust and confidence in God.

Openly declare to God that you trust Him with your future so you can laugh without fear.

Make your request known to Him in thanksgiving and partner with him, doing your own part by working and preparing for the blessing.

Sometimes, God may not even show you how it’s going to work out. He may not give you the details just like He did with Father Abraham. He may be saying “Leave your father’s house to a place I will show you”.

In times like that, don’t hesitate. Boldly step on the water and fix your gaze on the one who has called you out upon them.