The black woman is art; a perfect expression of pain, struggle, strength and beauty.

– Anonymous

One of the aims of the Black Girl Magic category on this blog is to encourage and strengthen black women. On this month’s episode, Adesewa Stephanie Oniye shares her very personal experiences with us as a child and growing up. From abuse, to heartbreaks, to failure but she’s coming out golden and magical like the black girl magic that she is.

Enjoy the read queens.

Welcome to Dupe’s Blog ma’am. Can we meet you?

Adesewa : Thank you Hun.
My name is Adesewa Stephanie Oniye.

MEET SEWA –

(Black Girl Magic Adesewa)

Like I said, my name is Sewa,

I am the the first daughter of 3 kids, I am 22 years old, born on the 9th day of January.
I am a poet, fashion designer, beadmaker, and a foodie.
My father is a lecturer, so I was brought up in an educational background. I have basically spent all my life in Ahmadu Bello University, except the last 2 years of my secondary school( of which i attended at Zaria Academy Shika, Zaria).
Presently, I am in the Department of Veterinary medicine, A.B.U Zaria, 500L.

What I love about being a Black Girl. –

(BGM)

Strength… We can show a wide range of emotion, but no matter what, we are still strong.
Skin: it doesn’t give us out when we are blushing or shy unlike whites

GROWING UP –

(Little Sewa)

Well, I grew up with my uncles. My parents weren’t always home. My dad was a workaholic, he came back in the evenings most time, and my mom was into trading, she was travelling most times.
My uncles were bad influences on me, there’s this particular one though. I saw him bringing different ladies into our house and go with them to his room…from that, to watching pornographic movies, irrespective of the fact that myself and my younger brother were present and very underaged. He didn’t care.
But, there was this day, I was sleeping, I had just come back from school, this uncle sent my brother to get something from the neighbours’ house, leaving just myself and him in the house.
He came into the room and started to touch me in places he wasn’t supposed to ( I was 7/8 years old, I didn’t even have boobs, I still wonder what was actually turning him on)… before it degenerated, my brother had already come back so he stopped.
Other times, he would force me to seat on his laps, and he’d have erections and kiss me on my neck and tell me to kiss him back on his.
This happened a couple of times, until one day I refused and ran away. He caught me, flogged me, and locked me up in my room..
But then in my room, another of my uncles was sleeping, I guess my sobs woke him up, so he called me, trying to pet me, told me to come and lay close to him, and before i knew it, he was having an erection and he was pressing on me…
I was going insane in my head… I started crying again, then he stopped.
It was crazy, but, I’d like to end it here.
It affected my mind because sometimes I have flashbacks, but that’s where it ends.

I’m secretive too; I never told my mom about it, and it kinda ‘deepened’ my mind.

I’d like to think my life wasn’t really really messed up because my mom was praying.

This should be an eye opener to parents too actually.
No matter how close the man you are leaving your kids with is to you, a man is a man.
To everyone that’s going through the same thing, you should voice out, you should fight, you shouldn’t be quiet at all.
If it has been done and you have been damaged already, I pray you heal and find yourself again…
I want you to know that you’re going to be okay…

LOVE RELATIONSHIPS

I have had quite a lot😄
I’m the kind of person that can’t endure the pain of heartbreaks, so I run into another relationship almost immediately.
I know it’s quite unhealthy, and I am actually working on that, because I found out that I don’t heal.
My first love was Igbo, as at then, he was a true definition of what love was, but we got separated because of my dad, i was quite young *laughs*
The realest relationship I had was my last.
I never knew the kind of man I wanted until he showed up. He was humorous, he knew how to make me laugh, he was the definition of the word ‘caring’ . He was my mumu…
I would have married him but he belonged to someone else, so it didn’t work out.

I have gotten my heart broken a million times, but, I love love so I go into every relationship like it’s my first.

VETERINARY MEDICINE –

(You were made to do hard things, believe in yourself).

I wanted to be a medical doctor, but I didn’t like the sight of human blood so a few people recommended Veterinary medicine so, vet it was.

I’ve always wanted to be an author too, I believe someday I’ll publish a novel.
I like travelling, so touring the world is part of my bucket list too.

Vet. *laughs*
As you know, it is not beans and plantain.
For me, I had to sacrifice the little ‘fun’ I had to study.
Even at that, I failed some courses in 300Level which resulted to me getting ‘filtered’ going to 400Level.
Let me explain the “Filter” concept.
Every semester, the maximum credit load is 24 credit units. In vet, we have lots of courses to pick, so all the courses we pick equals the 24 credit units already. This is for every semester.
If you happen to fail a course in a semester, there’s no space for you to pick it the next year because you already have a maximum credit unit.
To clear that course, you would have to wait an extra year doing nothing but only that course you failed.
Note that if you fail the course 100 times, you will stay and repeat that course for 100years.
In vet, this is done twice in your 6 years.
When you are in 300L going to 400L , and when you are in 500L going to 600L.

My dad is a lecturer (a professor) and almost every lecturer in vet knows him.
I’m not as smart as my dad and people expecting me to be as intelligent as he is is actually one of the greatest challenge I have had.

If only people knew how better I am now and how less intelligent I was in primary and junior secondary school.
I think being in vet to this present level is a great achievement…
To be honest, some of my former class mates and teachers still look at me in shock when I tell them that I’m in vet school, as if to say, ” is it not this girl that used to get 45th position in school?”.

God is awesome I tell you.

And I like that vet does not give me the liberty to always be at every event, because whenever I decide to attend one, I am given maximum attention *laughs* …
There’s respect and all.
And I get to be a Doctor after school you know.
Even though sometimes I’m always like “what even brought me here? this stress is too much” or “I’m frustrated”
*laughs*
At the end , I’m sure it would totally be worth it.

I’M GRATEFUL FOR; –

(Gratitude in spite of challenges)

I’m grateful to God for giving me the kind of heart and mindset I have. I consider myself a strong woman for not breaking despite the things I have gone through.
And my mom, my prayer warrior, I could a been a mess.
I’m grateful for my friends .

(Ziyet,Joy, and Sam) for motivating me through vet school, I probably would have run mad by now (Vet school is crazy like that) *laughs* .
My friends are my ‘fun’. Very humorous and happy people.

Saving the last for the best is my Dad, my first love. For keeping calm and always encouraging me even when he was supposed to send me out of his house *laughs*
I consider myself blessed🙂

ADVICE TO THE BLACK GIRL STRUGGLING WITH ONE THING OR THE OTHER –

(A word for the wounded Black Girl)

There’s no giving up.
Life would want to hurt you, but don’t fall, don’t break, don’t give it that chance.
Don’t let negative experiences control you or change the person you are destined to be. It is true that negative experiences cause insecurities, doubts, discomfort, and sadness.
But all of this can be overcome and only you have the power to do this.

Dupe : Thank you so much for your transparency and your time ma’am.

Adesewa : Thank you for having me 💓