Posted on May 4, 2018June 14, 2018 by Mo' — 18 Comments

Black Girl Magic || Interview with Adesewa Stephanie Oniye

The black woman is art; a perfect expression of pain, struggle, strength and beauty.

– Anonymous

One of the aims of the Black Girl Magic category on this blog is to encourage and strengthen black women. On this month’s episode, Adesewa Stephanie Oniye shares her very personal experiences with us as a child and growing up. From abuse, to heartbreaks, to failure but she’s coming out golden and magical like the black girl magic that she is.

Enjoy the read queens.

Welcome to Dupe’s Blog ma’am. Can we meet you?

Adesewa : Thank you Hun.
My name is Adesewa Stephanie Oniye.

MEET SEWA –

(Black Girl Magic Adesewa)

Like I said, my name is Sewa,

I am the the first daughter of 3 kids, I am 22 years old, born on the 9th day of January.
I am a poet, fashion designer, beadmaker, and a foodie.
My father is a lecturer, so I was brought up in an educational background. I have basically spent all my life in Ahmadu Bello University, except the last 2 years of my secondary school( of which i attended at Zaria Academy Shika, Zaria).
Presently, I am in the Department of Veterinary medicine, A.B.U Zaria, 500L.

What I love about being a Black Girl. –

(BGM)

Strength… We can show a wide range of emotion, but no matter what, we are still strong.
Skin: it doesn’t give us out when we are blushing or shy unlike whites

GROWING UP –

(Little Sewa)

Well, I grew up with my uncles. My parents weren’t always home. My dad was a workaholic, he came back in the evenings most time, and my mom was into trading, she was travelling most times.
My uncles were bad influences on me, there’s this particular one though. I saw him bringing different ladies into our house and go with them to his room…from that, to watching pornographic movies, irrespective of the fact that myself and my younger brother were present and very underaged. He didn’t care.
But, there was this day, I was sleeping, I had just come back from school, this uncle sent my brother to get something from the neighbours’ house, leaving just myself and him in the house.
He came into the room and started to touch me in places he wasn’t supposed to ( I was 7/8 years old, I didn’t even have boobs, I still wonder what was actually turning him on)… before it degenerated, my brother had already come back so he stopped.
Other times, he would force me to seat on his laps, and he’d have erections and kiss me on my neck and tell me to kiss him back on his.
This happened a couple of times, until one day I refused and ran away. He caught me, flogged me, and locked me up in my room..
But then in my room, another of my uncles was sleeping, I guess my sobs woke him up, so he called me, trying to pet me, told me to come and lay close to him, and before i knew it, he was having an erection and he was pressing on me…
I was going insane in my head… I started crying again, then he stopped.
It was crazy, but, I’d like to end it here.
It affected my mind because sometimes I have flashbacks, but that’s where it ends.

I’m secretive too; I never told my mom about it, and it kinda ‘deepened’ my mind.

I’d like to think my life wasn’t really really messed up because my mom was praying.

This should be an eye opener to parents too actually.
No matter how close the man you are leaving your kids with is to you, a man is a man.
To everyone that’s going through the same thing, you should voice out, you should fight, you shouldn’t be quiet at all.
If it has been done and you have been damaged already, I pray you heal and find yourself again…
I want you to know that you’re going to be okay…

LOVE RELATIONSHIPS

I have had quite a lot?
I’m the kind of person that can’t endure the pain of heartbreaks, so I run into another relationship almost immediately.
I know it’s quite unhealthy, and I am actually working on that, because I found out that I don’t heal.
My first love was Igbo, as at then, he was a true definition of what love was, but we got separated because of my dad, i was quite young *laughs*
The realest relationship I had was my last.
I never knew the kind of man I wanted until he showed up. He was humorous, he knew how to make me laugh, he was the definition of the word ‘caring’ . He was my mumu…
I would have married him but he belonged to someone else, so it didn’t work out.

I have gotten my heart broken a million times, but, I love love so I go into every relationship like it’s my first.

VETERINARY MEDICINE –

(You were made to do hard things, believe in yourself).

I wanted to be a medical doctor, but I didn’t like the sight of human blood so a few people recommended Veterinary medicine so, vet it was.

I’ve always wanted to be an author too, I believe someday I’ll publish a novel.
I like travelling, so touring the world is part of my bucket list too.

Vet. *laughs*
As you know, it is not beans and plantain.
For me, I had to sacrifice the little ‘fun’ I had to study.
Even at that, I failed some courses in 300Level which resulted to me getting ‘filtered’ going to 400Level.
Let me explain the “Filter” concept.
Every semester, the maximum credit load is 24 credit units. In vet, we have lots of courses to pick, so all the courses we pick equals the 24 credit units already. This is for every semester.
If you happen to fail a course in a semester, there’s no space for you to pick it the next year because you already have a maximum credit unit.
To clear that course, you would have to wait an extra year doing nothing but only that course you failed.
Note that if you fail the course 100 times, you will stay and repeat that course for 100years.
In vet, this is done twice in your 6 years.
When you are in 300L going to 400L , and when you are in 500L going to 600L.

My dad is a lecturer (a professor) and almost every lecturer in vet knows him.
I’m not as smart as my dad and people expecting me to be as intelligent as he is is actually one of the greatest challenge I have had.

If only people knew how better I am now and how less intelligent I was in primary and junior secondary school.
I think being in vet to this present level is a great achievement…
To be honest, some of my former class mates and teachers still look at me in shock when I tell them that I’m in vet school, as if to say, ” is it not this girl that used to get 45th position in school?”.

God is awesome I tell you.

And I like that vet does not give me the liberty to always be at every event, because whenever I decide to attend one, I am given maximum attention *laughs* …
There’s respect and all.
And I get to be a Doctor after school you know.
Even though sometimes I’m always like “what even brought me here? this stress is too much” or “I’m frustrated”
*laughs*
At the end , I’m sure it would totally be worth it.

I’M GRATEFUL FOR; –

(Gratitude in spite of challenges)

I’m grateful to God for giving me the kind of heart and mindset I have. I consider myself a strong woman for not breaking despite the things I have gone through.
And my mom, my prayer warrior, I could a been a mess.
I’m grateful for my friends .

(Ziyet,Joy, and Sam) for motivating me through vet school, I probably would have run mad by now (Vet school is crazy like that) *laughs* .
My friends are my ‘fun’. Very humorous and happy people.

Saving the last for the best is my Dad, my first love. For keeping calm and always encouraging me even when he was supposed to send me out of his house *laughs*
I consider myself blessed?

ADVICE TO THE BLACK GIRL STRUGGLING WITH ONE THING OR THE OTHER –

(A word for the wounded Black Girl)

There’s no giving up.
Life would want to hurt you, but don’t fall, don’t break, don’t give it that chance.
Don’t let negative experiences control you or change the person you are destined to be. It is true that negative experiences cause insecurities, doubts, discomfort, and sadness.
But all of this can be overcome and only you have the power to do this.

Dupe : Thank you so much for your transparency and your time ma’am.

Adesewa : Thank you for having me ?

Posted on April 5, 2018May 31, 2018 by Mo' — 4 Comments

Black Girl Magic || Interview with Ene Elizabeth Adeka

Melanin Monroe – BLACK GIRL MAGIC

The Melanin in our Skin. The Plumpness of our Lips. The Honey of our Eyes. The Span of our Hips. The Shine in our Smiles. The Power in our Gentle Minds. The Care in our Hands. The Love in our Hearts. Makes us Queens ♥

-Anonymous

Ene Elizabeth Adeka of Black Safaya ? is an experienced freelance creative writer, content planner and blog editor. She offers ghost writing, editing, coaching and proofreading services. Ene is also the chief editor of Black Safaya a one stop SOLUTION to all your writing needs.

On this month’s episode of Black Girl Magic, Ene is pouring out from her intellectual pool to us on Quality Relationships. What are they? How do they help the black girl and how does she maintain them?

Enjoy the read Queens ♛

Dupe: Welcome to Dupe’s Blog ma’am, can we meet you?

Ene Elizabeth: My name is Ene Elizabeth Adeka
I am a freelance writer, author, blogger (www.blacksafaya.com) and web content developer. I provide ghost writing, coaching, proofreading and editing services. I have written hundreds of SEO articles for blogs across the globe, and published a number of books for independent authors and organizations.

An avid lover of poetry, I spend my leisure time writing free verses (a hobby I am excellent at), sometimes performing my poems or speaking to youths about the importance of the pursuit of purpose.

Dupe: What do you think about the black girl?
Ene Elizabeth: I think she’s a concept that has been overrated and at the same time under-emphasized.
Overrated because she’s a girl, prone to have her skirts blown in all directions by every wind of change, prone to emotional and financial downturns like any other and just another individual trying to find herself in a world where the slightest wrong turn can get you lost forever.

Underemphasized because the opportunities, treasures and limitless abilities that lie beneath the skin remains untapped most of her life. She’s almost like a seed planted in the earth, until she is cultivated by the right hand and just the right amount of water and sunshine, she remains what she is: a seed. You know what they say about a seed…until it buds and bring forth, nobody benefits from it.

Dupe: Interesting. Do you love being a black girl?
Ene Elizabeth: *Laughs* that’s a yes and no question. Yes because frankly, I don’t think any other colour would suit me better than the one I’m painted in already. So if you’re asking whether I’m comfortable with my skin colour, then yes.

No, because everything I do seems to be judged from that perspective. Chimamanda is still subliminally the “black girl”who stunned the world with an unconventional approach to contemporary prose writing.

Black first judges you before it gives you a seat on the table, black first seizes you up before you even have a chance to present your case but then I think the irony here is black always has an element of surprise in it especially when it wants to “clear your doubts. ”

I love being a black girl actually.

Dupe: What’s your definition of Quality Relationships? Or What kind of relationships do you consider quality?
Ene Elizabeth: Relationships that motivates you to aspire for more, inspire you to do even more and set your passions on fire.
Personally, I rate the quality of my relationships by how well I write after I must have spent an appreciable amount of time with people. I believe I am spending irrecoverable minutes of my life not spending time.

Dupe: Hmmm! How have quality relationships helped you?
Ene Elizabeth: I have classified my relationships into three:

The ones I submit to

The ones in which we are equals

The ones who look up to me.

My life is a summary of quality relationships. I believe to be successful you have got to identify people who have gone ahead of you, become successful against all odds and have earned the right through their results, convictions and outspoken principles to lead you by the hand, you have also got to identify people who are at the same level where you are, regularly converse and fellowship with them and learn from them and finally remember the ones who look up to you and feel a sense of responsibility towards them.

I have writers I look up to, I know writers I am friends with and I know writers who want to be like me. These are three different levels of relationships entirely.

Dupe: Wow! Why does the black girl need quality relationships?
Ene Elizabeth: Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpeneth Iron. I’ll explain. When two or more people sit together, an exchange occurs through consistent contact…what you see, interact with and consistently fellowship with, you become. It’s an uncomfortable truth that the black girl although surrounded by many stellar examples has little or no interest in becoming like someone who has gone ahead of her. Yes, we want to pioneer new ways, explore horizons yet undiscovered and be the next big thing. However, we need to be guided, taught and handed over the so called “cliché ” we seem to have discarded. I said iron sharpens iron because quality relationships will make you a “quality” person.

Dupe: How can the black girl identify quality relationships that she needs?
Ene Elizabeth: Any individual whose family life, finances, personal life and relationship resonates with your aspirations and ambitions in life is a potential quality relationship until proven otherwise.
Potential quality relationship worth exploring, investing in and willing to learn from until proven otherwise

Dupe: How can she maintain such relationships?
Ene Elizabeth: 1.Honour, which in other words is the unashamed recognition, celebration and worthy acknowledgement of their perceived value. It could be through words, actions or thoughtful gifts.

2. Aspiring to be the words you have heard them speak and becoming the individuals you’ve seen them become.

Dupe: Amazing..
It has truly been an enlightening time with you.
You’re greatly appreciated…
Thank you.
Ene Elizabeth: Thank you Dupe

There you have it ladies, Identify Quality Relationships, invest on them and make the best out of them…

See you next week xoxo.

Posted on February 23, 2018May 31, 2018 by Mo'

Black Girl Magic || Interview with Omolola Odutokun (Styleby.Lola).

Hey guys!

Happy Friday, I hope you all had a great week.

Today I’m launching a new category on the blog and I’m so excited to share it with everyone. It’s called “BLACK GIRL MAGIC”.

For black queens of every shade.

Inspired by Nigerian women but dedicated to every black woman.

“Dipped In Chocolate, Bronzed In Elegance, Enameled With Grace, Toasted With Beauty, My Lord, She’s A Black Woman.

-Dr Yosef Ben-Jochannan.

To launch the category, we have with us a Stylist, Model, Fashion and Lifestyle blogger who I interviewed on “Black Girl and Style On a Budget“.

How do you look good without destroying your savings account?

There’s so much to learn. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing.

Dupe: Welcome to Dupe’s Blog ma’am. We’re so glad to have you. Can we meet you?

Styleby.lola: Thank you for having me. I’m Lola Odutokun, of Styleby.lola and BeannieBeannie.

Dupe: Tell us a little about yourself.

Styleby.lola: Absolutely, I’m the last of four girls, born on the 18th day of March.

I just graduated from Ahmadu Bello University Zaria where I studied Graphics Design.

I have always had a passion for art and fashion and I like to believe I possess my flair for art from my Late Dad who was a fine artist.

I am a stylist, a graphic designer, a photographer, an interior designer and lastly and entrepreneur.

Dupe: Wow!

That’s beautiful.

It’s an honor to have you launch the category “Black Girl Magic” on the Blog.

Can you tell us one unique thing you love about being a black girl?

Styleby.lola: The honor is mine really.
I’ll give you more than one ?.
A couple of qualities I absolutely love about being a black girl is not having to be afraid to be my true self. I believe the true beauty of a black girl majorly dwells in her self confidence and her ability to hold her head up high and stay true to her roots in whatever situation she is faced with.

Being black is a blessing ❤.

Dupe: Profound! What or Who is your number one fashion inspiration?

Styleby.lola: Gabrielle Bonheur who most people know as “Coco” Chanel. She’s not black though, *laughs*.

Dupe: *laughs* No problem. As long as she inspires you.

Do you believe in going with trends or going with your own style?

Styleby.lola: Well, I’m a bit open minded when it comes to trends really.

I’m not one to strictly follow trends, honestly I find it extremely exhausting, *laughs*.

If there’s an outfit or accessory that’s trending, and I absolutely love it, then I go for it, otherwise I don’t bother.

For me to follow a trend, I think I have to like it 150%.

Dupe: How would you describe your personal style?

Styleby.lola: Effortlessly chic and comfortable.

Dupe: I like that ?.

Styleby.lola: Thank you ?.

Dupe: What’s your favorite fashion piece?

Styleby.lola: Yooo!!! , my sunglasses.. ?, I literally can’t think straight if I leave home without them. As we speak I just ordered 2 frames ?.

Dupe: Awwww ?.

Do you have strict rules for your style or you’re limitless?

Styleby.lola: I think when it comes to rules for me it would have to revolve around almost total nudity.

There’s a level of skin I can show, and would not show.
Limitless, naahhhh, I’m a bit conservative so I wouldn’t opt for that.

Dupe: Great…

Considering that you’re all about fashion, do you always spend huge amounts when you go shopping?

Styleby.lola: Huge will be an understatement, but really not always…

There are times I don’t spend a lot on outfits.

Dupe: How would you advice a black girl who’s trying to save money and look good at the same time?

Styleby.lola: Ok… Well, one thing is for sure.

Fashion costs money.

But I think people are starting to embrace the fact that thrifting is not a terrible thing.

So In order to save costs, one can thrift, as well as making your own clothes if you have that ability.

There was a time I really wanted a tye dye shirt, but didn’t have the money at the time to get one, so I looked up online how to tye dye.

And I made a blue tye dye shirt.

Dupe: That’s amazing. So basically, you’re saying in as much fashion costs money, it is still possible to wear nice clothes without breaking the bank?

Styleby.lola: Yes absolutely, it is.

Dupe: Can you expatiate on thrifting.

Styleby.lola: Thrifting otherwise known as second New, or second hand, well 9ja would say bend down select ?…. But social media has made it possible to not literally “bend down “, there are so many online thrift stores these days, owned by really stylish people and you’ll be surprised at the amount of celebrities and influencers who shop on them.

This is what I meant by people starting to embrace thrifting.

Dupe: Wow. That’s beautiful! Subscribing to thrifting will be financial freedom to many ladies.

Styleby.lola: Absolutely I believe it will.

Dupe: How do you piece your fashion items together, does it have to be new clothes and shoes all the time for each picture or post?

Styleby.lola: Not necessarily, but for me most of the time that’s the case especially with clothes, I’m not really a shoe person.

But yea, most times to keep it more exciting I go with new.

Also there’s just something about wearing new clothes that makes a lady feel soooo good about her self, it really is a confidence booster. There’s also absolutely nothing wrong with repeating outfits, as long as you style them properly.

Dupe: Wow! Thank you so much for your time. It was really an enlightening time.

Styleby.lola: Thank you for having me, it’s been a great time.

Dupe: Where can you be found on social media?

Styleby.lola: Style page –@Styleby.lola and Business page @beanniebeannie_

Dupe: Thank you!

Styleby.lola: Thanks Dupe xoxo ♥