Category: Women

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SHARE YOUR STORY;OWN YOUR BROKENNESS

Now this is one step in this book that took me a lot of tears, prayers and trepidation to write about. Why?

Because I am also going to share my story, as I am instructed to do so by God. I know that God called me out of my imperfections and He intends to use them for Himself – to shine forth the light to others; but what He has asked me to share in this step is too deep.

I have told Him that I will definitely not find a husband after sharing this deep dark story in a book that will be read by lots of people but He has told me that that’s okay – I am not supposed to find him anyway, he will bring the husband to me.

I have asked Him what people will think about this; what will my parents think? And His only response to me was that He intends to use my imperfections for Himself. He has asked me to share my story, let Him heal me and heal the scars of others through this too.

And if He wants me to share my story in this book, then who am I to say no?

Never mind that I knew that I would share this story openly but wanted to wait till I was married with kids. But if He says now, then I say yes Lord.

Remember the relationship I talked about in “a bit of my walk in purpose” up there? I committed two abortions while I was in it. I was a novice at the sex deal and knew nothing about birth control. And so after eating the forbidden fruit outside of marriage for a few months, I got pregnant – of course that’s what you get when you have unprotected sex (and just so we know, any form of sex – protected or not – is frowned on by God when done outside marriage).

The obvious answer was to abort it because I could not imagine my parents knowing about it; neither could I imagine my fellowship at school getting wind of it.

To my young mind, there wasn’t really a choice to be made – just take it off. And the next time I got pregnant again, the answer was again simple – just take it off.

Most persons will tell you about the medical procedure but no one tells you about the psychological procedure involved in letting it all go.

Even after giving my life to Christ and becoming a tongue speaking lover of Christ, I still cowered under the weight of condemnation and scars gotten not from the abortion instruments used by the doctor, but scars deeply etched into my soul. I carried them around for years till God addressed my issue in a meeting I attended while I was at Law School.

The preacher suddenly veered off into talking about the weight of condemnation arising from past sins of abortion and I remember crying my heart and eyes out as I prayed to God. And that was it.

One sincere heart to heart talk with God and everything was taken away.

I remember speaking to my elder brother, the only person who knew that I had committed an abortion, and telling Him that God just addressed my issue in the meeting I just attended. That meeting happened in 2013.

This is 2015 and I can without doubt say that the weight of condemnation is all gone from my soul. I do not know how God did it, but a sense of wholeness overwhelmed me from that day. I finally believed like His Word says that He has washed me of all sins I committed before I came to Him and I am now a new creation in Christ.

As I type this right now, I am thinking of how God has taken my life and washed it clean one step at a time. So many dark stories – so many dark crevices – He took them all and let His light shine through them all.

This girl in Christ would not be here today without those dark years. But God has turned those dark years into light.

Who am I? Who is this flawed imperfect girl with a shady past that He loves this much? And then He still calls this broken-flawed-girl beautiful.

He not only brought light to my life through the dark years, He wants to bring light to others through my own past darkness.

I remember sharing this story in a conference I was opportune to speak at and the number of ladies that were just set free from the sins they were struggling with. What kind of God turns that which men believe should be hidden into testimonies for Himself?

Why would He want me to put something the world deems so shameful into a book – to be read by lots of people?

I mean, I used to be so ashamed of my past. I used to cover up in disgust at some of the things that I did in the past. But He has made me see; how can I not share my story about how God saved me from myself with others?

Someone else’s light can be lighted through God’s light in me and it would be a shame to miss out on bringing another life to God’s light.

Now, I believe that you understand why I feel an aching pain in my heart to spread forth the truth that young girls should live purposeful lives. I was once like them – drifting along with no idea that God has created me to be more and do more.

No one told me then that God has a unique niche for me to fill on earth. I had to grow into that knowledge as God revealed it to me and that’s exactly what I don’t want to be repeated in the lives of these young girls. Someone has to tell them not to repeat the same mistakes that I made and if it has to be me, then by all means, let it be me.

God knows that I have been there before so I know how it all works. So what did He do with my experience? He set it all up as a part of my purpose in Him.

And I believe that God wants every one of us to understand this truth too. Our past experiences weren’t given to us for us to sweep them under the carpet; they are all used in the good works that God has prepared for us before the beginning of time. Every experience – painful or not – that has ever happened in our lives lead us up to just one thing – God’s purpose for us. For God’s light to shine through our past darkness.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”– Romans 8:28, NLT

The past we feel like hiding all culminates in God’s purpose for our lives. We have got to look deep down into the experiences we have had in our lives. More often than not, God will also use them to point us towards our purpose on earth.

We are always drawn towards people going through what we have gone through in time past. But the thing is, we usually don’t like to look back into the past, some of us just want to bury the terrible experiences and sometimes, I want to do that too.

My family situation was rough for a better part of my young life and I do not like to remember the years when we always had my parents fighting in our home, but when I see a girl crying about her family situation, I know that I must tell her my story and let her know that God restores homes.

And it should be the same for us too.Our past experiences are lamp stands that point us towards who God wants us to be and what He wants us to do on earth for Him. Don’t hide the pain, let the pain of past experiences be healed by God and when He makes you whole again, use those experiences to bless the lives in front of you.God works out everything in our lives for good – He uses the good and the bad to bring out His good purposes in our lives. Don’t beat yourself up about your past, give it all to God and let Him wrought purpose in you through it.

He will mould that sad tale – that story you are tempted to sweep under the carpet and use it to bless lives for Him.Pay close attention to your past and present life experiences. Everything that has ever happened in your life leads you right back to walking in purpose for God while on earth. Let God mould you and bring you forth as refined gold for Him – usable for every good work.

Please share your story. Please own your brokenness. A life out there needs to hear it.

This is Step six, an excerpt from the book “10 Steps To Walking In Purpose” written by Hephzibah Frances.

Available for FREE download on: Amazon, Okada books, Smashwords, Bambooks,

To Keep In touch with the Author, follow her on: Instagram @HephzibahFrances

Facebook: www.facebook.com/AuthorHephzibahFrances

Twitter: @HephzibahFranBlog:

www.hephzibahfrances.com

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How to make better decisions as a Christian Woman

Making decisions can be a daunting experience. From little decisions like what shoes to wear to huge decisions like what friends to keep, career path to choose, relationship to go into or even who to marry.

I used to have such a huge dilemma whenever I had to pick. I see myself as an indecisive person sometimes. I could sit at a store for hours wondering what to go for. I could sit with two dresses for minutes wondering which to pick. Imagine me trying to make huge decisions. Whoa!

I take as much time as I can just because “I don’t want to make the wrong decision”.
While my fear is really not necessary, it is valid because the decisions we make have direct implications on our tomorrows.

This is why I outlined a few things that help me and will help every Christian woman make better decisions faster.

Filter/Sieve

Personally, I think this is the first thing every believer faced with different choices should do.

Wait. I’ll explain what I mean by filter.

Picture this: You’re about to bake a cake and you’re faced with bag of flour. You need just two cups of the flour and you proceed to take out your measuring cup. Then something happens.

You notice some coarse and rough particles inside your flour. Do you proceed to take out the flour like that or you sieve first? I want to believe you’ll sieve first.

The rough particles represent those options that should be taken out immediately because, they are outrightly wrong, bad and even harmful to us.

This is the first thing you should do when faced with a decision. Using our flour and particle illustration, employ the elimination principle by first taking out the options that are rough particles – unpleasant.

There are certain options that are outrightly bad. As a believer, there are certain things you should steer away from without being told. Some options are clearly wrong. Don’t make deciding more difficult for yourself.

Eliminate the options that are outrightly bad for you. I don’t want to give practical examples but I’ll throw caution in the wind and give one.

Jane is trying to grow her relationship with God and 4 different guys are asking for her hand in marriage. Brother 1 is a normal church goer, number 2 is an unbeliever, number 3 is a choir leader, and number 4 is a free thinker who has a very nonchalant outlook and attitude to God.

Using the elimination principle, Jane can make her decision easier by taking out number 2 and 4 even before she begins to pray about it because you can be 99% certain that they are not the will of God for her life. This goes a long way to reduce her deliberations.
This does not mean that any of the other two guys are automatically right, but it helps narrow her focus more.

The Lenses of the Word.

One reliable way to make better decisions as a woman of God is to look at the options available through the lenses of God’s Word. God’s Word is meant to be a lamp to our feet and a light to our path. This means that taking steps and making decisions without the Word is basically walking in darkness. You can’t take steps in darkness and expect not to miss a step. Judge everything through God’s Word.

Pray

Prayer has a way of making things align. Prayer is a very great place to start if you are confused. Pray to clear your head. Pray to see more clearly. Pray to clear off confusion. Pray enquiry prayers to get answers and inclinations.

Listen to your inner witness

You have been given the Holy Spirit as a seal for your salvation. This means that the Holy Spirit dwells in you and He guides you. Listen.

Think long-term and delay gratification.

It is a natural thing for humans to want what satisfies and brings immediate pleasure. This is good, however, some instant pleasure have unpleasant effects on the future. The decision you’re about to make is likely linked with your future. Will this choice have a bad effect on your tomorrow? If you see marriage and having kids in your future, will this decision contribute to having a great marriage and raising awesome kids? How about your health? Does this decision do good to your body long-term or does it have future unpleasant effects?

A wise woman would rather bear her burden now than push it off till later. Think long-term.

AFTER DECIDING

After making a decision, you should do the following:

  • Be confident about your decision: Many times, after choosing to take a stand for what is right, you may begin to have doubts about it. Especially if you made a choice that is not popular. The opinions of people may even make you feel like you have done something stupid. You must learn to be confident in what you have chosen. Be proud of it and own it. Be responsible and ready for whatever
    outcome it brings. Doing this will be easier if your decision was guided from the beginning using the steps above.
  • Expect great results: Don’t accommodate fear and thoughts of things going wrong. Expect good things to happen.

“You and only you are responsible for your life choices and decisions.” Robert T. Kiyosaki

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Abstinence and Sexual Urges! – 11 Ladies Share their Experiences.

Will making the decision to be chaste or celibate automatically take sexual urges away?

The answer to that question should be a laugh.

I’ve always been an advocate for sexual purity and I’ve been very vocal about it. I believe in sex within the confines of marriage. Civilization and wokeness has not changed these standards. I believe in “marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled”. I believe that it is God’s will for us to be sexually pure.

But I’m also aware.

I am aware that as functioning humans, your body does not really care what decisions you have made about sex. The normal biological processes still go on.

The moment you get to a certain age, your body begins to function in a different way.

So, even when you decide to be chaste, your body may not exactly be cooperative. I’m pretty sure you can relate.

I got talking with a number of Nigerian ladies who are celibate and are waiting until marriage to have sex and they got vulnerable enough to share their experiences on sexual urges and the struggle with me. They consented to me sharing it here on the blog to encourage other ladies on this journey and to make them know that they are not alone.

So, below are the experiences of 11 ladies who are abstaining from sex on how they handle sexual urges. They shared very real, practical, funny and maybe a little raw (where necessary) experiences
.

– First, I understand the reason for those urges, so that I don’t feel guilty or some sort of way. I understand that there are times these urges come as a result of hormones; my body is ripe and ready for reproduction and that’s its way of communicating that to me.
Also, for the urges during menstruation, I believe that since it is a sensitive area, and there’s fluid there, it may tend to make you feel that.
Having this understanding is number one.

– Secondly, destiny.
I know what I want for my life and I’m aware that yielding to how I feel in that moment would bring regrets eventually.
Another thing that helps me is distraction. I read novels. They may not necessarily be Christian novels but they definitely should not have explicit content.

– Another thing that keeps me from giving in to that feeling is fear. I ask myself questions like “if I give in, how attached will I become with the person”?. “Will I be proud of it?” My answer is always “No”.

So, I behave myself.

I see the men around me as friends and brothers. That helps too. I also don’t want any guy to carry my name and spread and drag it. ?

– At the end of the day, it’s just God. His Grace. I believe that for God to give us an instruction to abstain, He knows why. Fornication spirals into different other things.
God will help us.

Miss H

I’ve learned that sex is good, and not the “enemy”. It’s from God…timing is just the thing. So most times, I practice sexual transmutation instead. Intentionally putting my sexual energy into productive work. It works most times.

Miss G.

I speak to my body and my emotions. It not easy. It’s hard. I say to my body, you do not dictate to me, I dictate what you do. So, don’t control me.

This may sound funny, but it’s real.

At other times, I place my hands on my private part and ask it to be still?Whatever it takes to honour God, that I would do?

It’s not going to be all perfect. I remember when a new convert asked how I manage with this. The answer wasn’t difficult. Sometimes, we still mess up, sometimes we still do what we don’t want to do. But the goal is not to stay in your vomit. Rise up Immediately. God loves you and would never condemn you, speak to a trusted brethren about it, be accountable, be intentional, be disciplined and never boast in your strength.

Get up and continue running. Never stay fallen.

Miss F.

Mine happens mostly during ovulation, most times when I’m alone -that is when devil wants to do his work.

Once it starts, I find a way to meet and gist with anybody around me that time, or I go online when there’s data or just listen to some gospel music lol. It’s not easy when you start fantasizing about your dream man? To me, the best remedy to these feelings is not being alone, keep your hands and minds busy with anything that profits you

Miss Dee

I didn’t know this was a thing before I was in a relationship. When relationship came, urge came like 10 times higher??‍♀️I noticed mine recently!

Once I start to feel like being touched, cuddled or horny I just know that I’m ovulating. I cannot now be telling uncle bae how body is doing me *exactly* so as not to put ideas and stuff in his head.

I’m so free with my mum so I tell her I feel funny, she understands and says, stay in the midst of people a lot in the day (you cannot be doing gymnastics in front of them).

It worked but at night I pray heavily o before I will do the do in my dream with spirit husband??.

I really pray. Bottom line- do not be alone and pray heavily. It has really worked these days.

Miss R

For me, when having those feelings I immediately put on my earpiece to listen to gospel songs, watch funny videos..or gist with someone if close. At that time I can’t read the Bible or pray because while doing that, I still have the feeling.

Miss E

Firstly, I must say again it’s totally normal to have such feelings, it shows you’re a (normal) woman.
What to do in such period:

-Engage more in God’s word.

-Meditate and confess on the scriptures (your words are stronger than your thoughts)

-Leave that environment, go to where people are available.

-Be careful not to touch sensitive parts of your body.

-Also don’t do what will only promote such feelings e.g reading romance novels, watching romantic movies etc. (Don’t negotiate with the devil.)

-Keep yourself busy with spiritual activities and other helpful chores.-Prrraaaayyyy.
Lol quite lengthy??..but that’s what I do personally.

Miss D

My experience with this thing is very funny, I used to think something was wrong with me until I discovered that it was due to ovulation.

Mine usually happens when I sleep. It sometimes feel like I am dreaming because I usually wake up to the feeling ..

I usually have this sweet feeling around my genitals I don’t really know how to explain it but it makes me feel like I want someone to touch me at that moment.

The first thing I did was to understand that the reason why I was experiencing such is because my body was responding to some hormones being secreted. It wasn’t like I just decided to imagine things and bring those feelings.

So for me, the first step to overcoming is to understand that what you are experiencing is normal.

Secondly, when it happens, try to get your mind off it. Whatever you focus on, magnifies.
There are times that as human, we may allow our flesh come in the way and give way to fantasizing and enjoying it. But don’t dwell on it.
I used to keep my mind on it before and that was why I couldn’t handle the situation then.
Now I don’t focus on it anymore.

Miss J

Girl! Sexual urge do arise most times. Sometimes I entertain some thoughts and imaginations? but it stops there?

obara Jesus

Well for me most times when those thoughts and imaginations and urge arise, I quickly switch to the deposit of God’s word on the inside.

Most times I converse with the holy Spirit and the urge leaves?

Miss C.

Well, for me, my mind wanders and my imagination is wild! But knowing that our thoughts would also be judged, I feel guilty for doing that. So I just try to read stuff related to sex, like childbirth, pregnancy, wedding nights, honeymoons, weddings, and sometimes, read things to educate me in that area ‘cos frankly speaking, a lot of Christians prepare for marriage in many areas, except sex. Like…we don’t prepare our minds for it, and it can cause problems in homes and marriages. I believe in an ‘wholesome’, all-round development and preparation for the married life, and yes, ‘sex join the matter’. I also pray sometimes, and talk to myself that I’m doing the right thing.

Miss S.

Hi Dupe,
Making a decision to honour God with our body is a great decision anyone can make.

But as with any decision, there will always be need for responsibility, self discipline and THE GRACE OF GOD.
I can’t say I particularly remember making a decision to be celibate but I just found myself living the life from my teenage years.

Probably because my focus then was fully on academic success without time to think of relationship or sexual urges.

Method 1: Have a focus if Marriage is still far off. Career, academics, business, workout etc. You not being in a relationship, not having a male focus for your affection and not looking to please a guy will not make you even realize ovulation is doing anything

Growing older I took God seriously and apart from reading “don’t fornicate” in the Bible, I wanted to know why I should keep my self. I got an instruction particular to me about preserving the godly seed.. (Imagine my Joy when Apostle Joshua Selman did a teaching about it????).

Because of this revelation, I learnt to flee. I flee from any appearances of temptation and Pray and cry to God when it is hard or I am in a situation where I can’t get out of it.

And guess what, God always shows up.

He even helped me send someone away from Ilorin to Delta for NYSc just to leave me alone???‍♀??‍♀.

Method 2: If you follow laws blindly without having your own personal Conviction on why you should, it will be hard to keep and easy for sexual urges during ovulation to break your commitment.

Let you decision be personal to you (not general), let it not be because everyone is celibate.

If you have something you are preserving and working towards by your decision for celibacy, it will give you more motivation to fight for your decision.

Finally, I’m now in a relationship leading to Marriage and He is Fineee. I am older now, body is developed, and Ovulation is mad?.

Focus is shifting and what I didn’t see before , I can see now?? so I needed a strategy.

Method 3 strategy – Flee and Pray.

Flee, when you know your body is doing somehow, Don’t visit and don’t allow him to visit, use phone to call and check up.

Even if you have romantic date night planned or Movie night. Please and please CANCEL..

After canceling, use a few minutes to ask the Holy Spirit for strength. Then open Dupe’s blog for spiritual articles (DUPE INSERTS SMILE HERE?)

or read a book, watch movie or study your Bible. It helps.

If you Love “game of thrones” or any movie that has sexual scenes- Avoid them, it will just complicate matters… Or Harlequin novels??‍♀.

Just engage your mind in something else that will be interesting to you, it will get your mind off it.

Don’t over spiritualize it by binding or casting demons Sha..? it is a normal body something. Don’t do special prayers for ovulation. It will just keep your mind on it too much and you’ll go back to rolling on the Bed fighting temptation.

Don’t visit your cute male neighbor too o. Watch Big bang theory, you’ll laugh and forget ovulation until it is over.

In the day, keep yourself engaged in activities like normal..

It is well, Marriage will soon come and you won’t struggle again unless there is 300days fasting?

Miss F.


I thoroughly enjoyed making this blog post and I hope you enjoyed reading it too. If you’re on the celibacy journey, be motivated. You are not alone. I hope to cull out the lessons these ladies shared
publish them in a a different blog post.

Thank you for reading, please share your thoughts in the comments below and subscribe to my blog via your email. Sending loads of love your way.