Abstinence and Sexual Urges! – 11 Ladies Share their Experiences.

Will making the decision to be chaste or celibate automatically take sexual urges away?

The answer to that question should be a laugh.

I’ve always been an advocate for sexual purity and I’ve been very vocal about it. I believe in sex within the confines of marriage. Civilization and wokeness has not changed these standards. I believe in “marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled”. I believe that it is God’s will for us to be sexually pure.

But I’m also aware.

I am aware that as functioning humans, your body does not really care what decisions you have made about sex. The normal biological processes still go on.

The moment you get to a certain age, your body begins to function in a different way.

So, even when you decide to be chaste, your body may not exactly be cooperative. I’m pretty sure you can relate.

I got talking with a number of Nigerian ladies who are celibate and are waiting until marriage to have sex and they got vulnerable enough to share their experiences on sexual urges and the struggle with me. They consented to me sharing it here on the blog to encourage other ladies on this journey and to make them know that they are not alone.

So, below are the experiences of 11 ladies who are abstaining from sex on how they handle sexual urges. They shared very real, practical, funny and maybe a little raw (where necessary) experiences
.

– First, I understand the reason for those urges, so that I don’t feel guilty or some sort of way. I understand that there are times these urges come as a result of hormones; my body is ripe and ready for reproduction and that’s its way of communicating that to me.
Also, for the urges during menstruation, I believe that since it is a sensitive area, and there’s fluid there, it may tend to make you feel that.
Having this understanding is number one.

– Secondly, destiny.
I know what I want for my life and I’m aware that yielding to how I feel in that moment would bring regrets eventually.
Another thing that helps me is distraction. I read novels. They may not necessarily be Christian novels but they definitely should not have explicit content.

– Another thing that keeps me from giving in to that feeling is fear. I ask myself questions like “if I give in, how attached will I become with the person”?. “Will I be proud of it?” My answer is always “No”.

So, I behave myself.

I see the men around me as friends and brothers. That helps too. I also don’t want any guy to carry my name and spread and drag it. 😂

– At the end of the day, it’s just God. His Grace. I believe that for God to give us an instruction to abstain, He knows why. Fornication spirals into different other things.
God will help us.

Miss H

I speak to my body and my emotions. It not easy. It’s hard. I say to my body, you do not dictate to me, I dictate what you do. So, don’t control me.

This may sound funny, but it’s real.

At other times, I place my hands on my private part and ask it to be still😂Whatever it takes to honour God, that I would do💯

It’s not going to be all perfect. I remember when a new convert asked how I manage with this. The answer wasn’t difficult. Sometimes, we still mess up, sometimes we still do what we don’t want to do. But the goal is not to stay in your vomit. Rise up Immediately. God loves you and would never condemn you, speak to a trusted brethren about it, be accountable, be intentional, be disciplined and never boast in your strength.

Get up and continue running. Never stay fallen.

Miss F.

Ive learned that sex is good, and not the “enemy”. It’s from God…timing is just the thing. So most times, I practice sexual transmutation instead. Intentionally putting my sexual energy into productive work. It works most times.

Miss G.

Mine happens mostly during ovulation, most times when I’m alone -that is when devil wants to do his work.

Once it starts, I find a way to meet and gist with anybody around me that time, or I go online when there’s data or just listen to some gospel music lol. It’s not easy when you start fantasizing about your dream man😂 To me, the best remedy to these feelings is not being alone, keep your hands and minds busy with anything that profits you

Miss Dee

I didn’t know this was a thing before I was in a relationship. When relationship came, urge came like 10 times higher🤦🏽‍♀️I noticed mine recently!

Once I start to feel like being touched, cuddled or horny I just know that I’m ovulating. I cannot now be telling uncle bae how body is doing me *exactly* so as not to put ideas and stuff in his head.

I’m so free with my mum so I tell her I feel funny, she understands and says, stay in the midst of people a lot in the day (you cannot be doing gymnastics in front of them).

It worked but at night I pray heavily o before I will do the do in my dream with spirit husband🙄😂.

I really pray. Bottom line- do not be alone and pray heavily. It has really worked these days.

Miss R

For me, when having those feelings I immediately put on my earpiece to listen to gospel songs, watch funny videos..or gist with someone if close. At that time I can’t read the Bible or pray because while doing that, I still have the feeling.

Miss E

Firstly, I must say again it’s totally normal to have such feelings, it shows you’re a (normal) woman.
What to do in such period:

-Engage more in God’s word.

-Meditate and confess on the scriptures (your words are stronger than your thoughts)

-Leave that environment, go to where people are available.

-Be careful not to touch sensitive parts of your body.

-Also don’t do what will only promote such feelings e.g reading romance novels, watching romantic movies etc. (Don’t negotiate with the devil.)

-Keep yourself busy with spiritual activities and other helpful chores.-Prrraaaayyyy.
Lol quite lengthy😂😂..but that’s what I do personally.

Miss D

My experience with this thing is very funny, I used to think something was wrong with me until I discovered that it was due to ovulation.

Mine usually happens when I sleep. It sometimes feel like I am dreaming because I usually wake up to the feeling ..

I usually have this sweet feeling around my genitals I don’t really know how to explain it but it makes me feel like I want someone to touch me at that moment.

The first thing I did was to understand that the reason why I was experiencing such is because my body was responding to some hormones being secreted. It wasn’t like I just decided to imagine things and bring those feelings.

So for me, the first step to overcoming is to understand that what you are experiencing is normal.

Secondly, when it happens, try to get your mind off it. Whatever you focus on, magnifies.
There are times that as human, we may allow our flesh come in the way and give way to fantasizing and enjoying it. But don’t dwell on it.
I used to keep my mind on it before and that was why I couldn’t handle the situation then.
Now I don’t focus on it anymore.

Miss J

Girl! Sexual urge do arise most times. Sometimes I entertain some thoughts and imaginations😭 but it stops there😂

obara Jesus

Well for me most times when those thoughts and imaginations and urge arise, I quickly switch to the deposit of God’s word on the inside.

Most times I converse with the holy Spirit and the urge leaves😤

Miss C.

Well, for me, my mind wanders and my imagination is wild! But knowing that our thoughts would also be judged, I feel guilty for doing that. So I just try to read stuff related to sex, like childbirth, pregnancy, wedding nights, honeymoons, weddings, and sometimes, read things to educate me in that area ‘cos frankly speaking, a lot of Christians prepare for marriage in many areas, except sex. Like…we don’t prepare our minds for it, and it can cause problems in homes and marriages. I believe in an ‘wholesome’, all-round development and preparation for the married life, and yes, ‘sex join the matter’. I also pray sometimes, and talk to myself that I’m doing the right thing.

Miss S.

Hi Dupe,
Making a decision to honour God with our body is a great decision anyone can make.

But as with any decision, there will always be need for responsibility, self discipline and THE GRACE OF GOD.
I can’t say I particularly remember making a decision to be celibate but I just found myself living the life from my teenage years.

Probably because my focus then was fully on academic success without time to think of relationship or sexual urges.

Method 1: Have a focus if Marriage is still far off. Career, academics, business, workout etc. You not being in a relationship, not having a male focus for your affection and not looking to please a guy will not make you even realize ovulation is doing anything

Growing older I took God seriously and apart from reading “don’t fornicate” in the Bible, I wanted to know why I should keep my self. I got an instruction particular to me about preserving the godly seed.. (Imagine my Joy when Apostle Joshua Selman did a teaching about it💃🏼💃🏼).

Because of this revelation, I learnt to flee. I flee from any appearances of temptation and Pray and cry to God when it is hard or I am in a situation where I can’t get out of it.

And guess what, God always shows up.

He even helped me send someone away from Ilorin to Delta for NYSc just to leave me alone😂🏃🏻‍♀🏃🏻‍♀.

Method 2: If you follow laws blindly without having your own personal Conviction on why you should, it will be hard to keep and easy for sexual urges during ovulation to break your commitment.

Let you decision be personal to you (not general), let it not be because everyone is celibate.

If you have something you are preserving and working towards by your decision for celibacy, it will give you more motivation to fight for your decision.

Finally, I’m now in a relationship leading to Marriage and He is Fineee. I am older now, body is developed, and Ovulation is mad🙄.

Focus is shifting and what I didn’t see before , I can see now😂😂 so I needed a strategy.

Method 3 strategy – Flee and Pray.

Flee, when you know your body is doing somehow, Don’t visit and don’t allow him to visit, use phone to call and check up.

Even if you have romantic date night planned or Movie night. Please and please CANCEL..

After canceling, use a few minutes to ask the Holy Spirit for strength. Then open Dupe’s blog for spiritual articles (DUPE INSERTS SMILE HERE😊)

or read a book, watch movie or study your Bible. It helps.

If you Love “game of thrones” or any movie that has sexual scenes- Avoid them, it will just complicate matters… Or Harlequin novels🏃🏻‍♀.

Just engage your mind in something else that will be interesting to you, it will get your mind off it.

Don’t over spiritualize it by binding or casting demons Sha..😂 it is a normal body something. Don’t do special prayers for ovulation. It will just keep your mind on it too much and you’ll go back to rolling on the Bed fighting temptation.

Don’t visit your cute male neighbor too o. Watch Big bang theory, you’ll laugh and forget ovulation until it is over.

In the day, keep yourself engaged in activities like normal..

It is well, Marriage will soon come and you won’t struggle again unless there is 300days fasting😂

Miss F.


I thoroughly enjoyed making this blog post and I hope you enjoyed reading it too. If you’re on the celibacy journey, be motivated. You are not alone. I hope to cull out the lessons these ladies shared
publish them in a a different blog post.

Thank you for reading, please share your thoughts in the comments below and subscribe to my blog via your email. Sending loads of love your way.

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29 Comments

  1. Every daughter of Zion should check this out, there no such thing that is happening to one that is not happening to others in this Kingdom. Thank you for this amazing work Reverend

    1. Thank you Oyewunmi
      Please share with the ladies in your life.
      And yes, we are never alone in our experiences.
      Thank you Reverend 😃

    1. Thank you for this piece, there’s this joy u feel seeing you are not alone in being a celibate and knowing that there are others like yourself out there…thanks for all the advise…really helpful

      1. I think this is wisdom expressed in simple terms and the principles applies to both genders.. Thank you for sharing

  2. This read was fun, amazing and an eye opener! Every girl abstaining should really read this. Thanks Mo!

  3. Dear Dupe!
    Thank you so much for this.
    I’m deeply Blessed.
    Keep being a Blessing.
    I could relate with all the writers, especially the one who talked about “contaminating the seed” a message by AJS. I’ll like to know the title of that message.
    Thank you.

    Regards.
    Beloved.

    1. Beloved, thank you for reading. I’m glad you were blessed. I believe the message is the mystery of the serpent and the woman but I’ll confirm from the writer and send you a direct message

  4. I made a vow to be celibate till marriage but recently broke my rule. I am a guy btw. I was angry at my self but then I also knew I set myself up by breaking my own rule. I trusted too much in my personal discipline and forgot the other person might not share similar principles.

    I am happy I read this. I am way better now. I know better and as funny as all those stories are, I see the truth.

    My conviction is renewed and I’ll gladly wait till my wedding night.

    Thanks so much.

    1. Hi Ufo, I’m so glad you didn’t give up despite the fall.
      Please discuss with your partner and be on the same page.
      I’m glad this post blessed and helped you renew your conviction. God’s love and grace is supplied in abundance to you.

      God bless you

  5. Thank you so much for this piece, this came so timely when I needed it most, I laughed at the advise that said she places her hand and commands it, I think I’ll do that too, lol.
    It’s not easy but I’m sure its with it, Our Father is Wise.

    1. I’m glad it is timely for you. Yes, it will be worth it at the end. Our Father is truly wise.
      Stay strong and encouraged. You’re on the right path.

  6. I laughed a lot while reading this coz I though I was the only one that felt like that (really don’t know why o at this my age). Every young lady that wants to stat pure should read this. Thanks a lot for putting this up.❤

  7. I laughed a lot while reading this coz I though I was the only one that felt like that (really don’t know why o at this my age). Every young lady that wants to stay pure should read this. Thanks a lot for putting this up.❤

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