Aisha stared out of the window of her bedroom as she reminisced on the last two months of her marriage.
Life had been nothing short of hell for her ever since the night she became a Mrs.
The night her husband hit her. Her wedding night.
Aisha still did not understand what had happened that night.
Ahmed had called her a deceiver, saying she had deceived him into believing she was a virgin.
He accused her of living a promiscuous life before marriage and deceiving people that she was decent. He was furious and hit her saying he knew it was Umar who had taken her innocence.
Aisha had been dumfounded, utterly surprised. She had tried explaining to her husband that she hadn’t known any man before him but Ahmed didn’t seem to be listening.
That was the beginning of her predicament.
Ahmed would leave the house very early and come back very late. He detested her and hated the sight of her. He barley ate what she cooked.
Aisha didn’t know how to react to everything. She was very positive that she was still a virgin even though she hadn’t felt any pain on her first time with Ahmed and there had been no blood. She was confused as well but she didn’t think it was enough for him to react the way he did.
Ahmed had been surprised that his wife hadn’t fought back or even cried. She had deceived him after he bragged to his friends about how decent she was and how certain he was that she was a virgin only to go in to her and realize that there was neither pain nor blood.
He had hit her because he was angry but Aisha didn’t react.
Aisha had become numb to everything. She believed her worse had come to her when Umar left her. No fight was left in her. If this was how her life was meant to be, then so be it.
The sound of her phone ringing made Aisha snap out of her thoughts.
She picked it up still looking out of the window.
“Aisha” She recognized the voice immediately. The voice that had been in her head every minute.
“Umar” Aisha replied, barely audible.
“How are you?”
For the first time in months, tears rolled down Aisha’s eyes. An aching she couldn’t explain gripped her heart.
“Aisha, you had nothing to do with any man, not even me. We both agreed to wait until marriage. Why did your husband accuse you as such?”
Aisha was sitting at a restaurant with Umar. He had come into the city and called to ask if he could see her.
Aisha looked at the love of her life. Umar had become even more handsome. She fought tears as she looked at him. Why had life been this cruel to her?
“I have no idea, Umar. I’m glad you still trust me. Ahmed didn’t listen to anything I had to say. All he kept saying was my parents and I deceived him. He was convinced I wasn’t a virgin because he didn’t encounter a hymen…” Aisha said, looking down and straightening her dress.
“He must be an illiterate!” Umar was fuming.
“I think I want a divorce. I have a feeling he’ll get a second wife soon and it’ll become worse for me. I don’t want to be ridiculed”
“Aisha” Umar mouthed almost crying. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
Aisha looked up at him.
“I’m getting married next week. That’s why I came to see you”
Aisha’s heart dropped. The world around her began to spin. She had heard of people’s predicaments and troubles, but hers was a dilemma she couldn’t explain. So her Umar will be someone else’s husband?”
Umar continued “I’ll follow you and talk to your husband or I’ll get someone to talk to him. He needs to be educated on the biology of the female. Not every virgin has a hymen, they can lose it in the early years of their lives through different ways like intense exercise, lifting heavy loads, and so on. In fact, some female children are not born with a hymen so it is absolutely wrong to make the hymen your criteria for determining virginity.”
Aisha was barely listening. The information Umar was giving her didn’t mean anything to her. It answered her own personal questions but it she wasn’t excited that she’d be vindicated before Ahmed, she even doubted he’d believe any of that. She stared far away as tears rolled down her eyes.
“My life is such a mess.”
The “medical condition” (Hymen)
Women do not know enough about their anatomies. It is important that you get better acquainted with your body.
Many people cherish the idea of marrying virgins, especially in Africa where the decency of a woman is very much appreciated and rewarded.
There are traditions in Nigeria that hold virginity with very high esteem.
In some traditions, a white cloth is spread on the bed on the first night of the wedding and the newly weds are expected to conssumate the marriage. It is expected that the white cloth gets soiled with blood from the new bride as proof of her virginity and then the couple should appear before the guests with blood-stained sheet to prove that the bride was a virgin.
But many women who have never had intercourse don’t bleed during their first intercourse because their hymen has already been disrupted so this is not an accurate way to determine if a woman is a virgin because there are many ways a woman’s hymen can fade even without contact with a man.
When a virgin meets a man, carnally for the first time, it is expected that she experiences a little pain and that there be little blood. The blood is as a result of the hymen that has been ruptured.
The hymen is a thin fleshy tissue membrane which partially closes the opening of the vagina and whose presence is traditionally taken to be a mark of virginity.
There is a popular opinion that the hymen totally covers the opening of your vagina until it’s stretched open, but that’s not usually the case, in most cases, the hymen is not complete, it is moon shaped to allow menstruation and the use of tampons.
However, some people are born with a very little hymenal tissue that it seems like they don’t have a hymen at all. In rare cases, people have hymens that cover the entire vaginal opening, or the hole in their hymen is very small — they may need to see a doctor for a minor procedure to remove the extra tissue. Just like other parts of our body, hymens are a little different for everyone.
Your hymen can be stretched open the first time you have vaginal sex, which might cause some pain or bleeding. But this doesn’t happen to everyone. And there are other ways that a hymen can be stretched open: riding a bike, doing sports, or putting something in your vagina like a tampon. Once your hymen is stretched open, it can’t grow back. –
Imperforate hymen: An imperforate hymen can be diagnosed at birth. More often, the diagnosis is made during the teen years. An imperforate hymen is a thin membrane that completely covers the opening to the vagina. Menstrual blood cannot flow out of the vagina. This usually causes the blood to back up into the vagina which often develops into an abdominal mass and abdominal and/or back pain. Some teens may also have pain with bowel movements and difficulty passing urine.
Does having a hymen mean you’re a virgin?
Some people believe that you’re not a virgin if your hymen is stretched open. But having a hymen and being a virgin are not the same thing.
Some people are born with hymens that are naturally open. And many other activities besides sex can stretch your hymen. So you can’t tell if someone has had sex by the way their hymen looks or feels.