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My Cheating Husband – The Story of an Unusual Christian Wife


“I don’t know why you still put up with this man Fade, isn’t it obvious he isn’t going to change?” 

I kept cutting the vegetables, pretending not to have heard my sister hit me hard with the truth.

“I mean who would have thought Femi would become such a beast with no human feelings whatsoever” She continued.

“Don’t call my husband that ever again!” I replied firmly, defending my husband as usual as I fought back hot tears that threatened to run down my cheeks.

“I’m sorry about that Sis, you know I’d never disrespect you, it’s just that I know how much pain you go through even though you hide it from everyone. And every time, it just makes me want to kill your husband. Why does he have to make you go through so much pain?” Funke said, as she cleaned the last dish and kept it in the rack.

“Thank you for helping me with those dishes Funke, I’ll make the vegetables now so you can eat before you leave” I said, walking to the sink to rinse the vegetables.

My sister kept quiet. She was tired of me, I knew. I kept making her and everyone trying to help me look like they were disturbing me. She was trying to help me but I kept defending my bad husband, Femi.

Femi.

The thought of what he could be doing right now, sent daggers through my heart.

Lord, make him stop please

My name is Fadekemi Williams and I’m a Lawyer and an author. I am married to Oluwafemi Williams, an accountant and the love of my life.

Femi wasn’t always a cheat. He had always been loving and faithful since our university days when we met. We did everything together then, read, attended fellowship, prayed and so on.
He was never a womanizer, He loved God and was committed to making me happy. Femi would never do anything to hurt me. It continued that way until 3 months after our fairytale wedding when things suddenly changed.

Three months after our wedding, my husband cheated on me with his secretary.

I knew.

I knew because I saw lipstick on his shirt that night after work.

I knew because he couldn’t look me in the eye.

I knew because the Holy Spirit told me and the Holy Spirit has never lied to me.

My husband had no explanation for his misbehaviour, yet I didn’t shout or insult him. Little did I know that, that was the beginning of my misery.

Femi became a perpetual cheat. He slept with different women and the fact that he cheated didn’t hurt me like the fact that ever day he did, I knew.

I cried every night. I tried to talk to my husband but he didn’t have any reasonable explanation.
Each time I spoke to him, he apologised and promised never to do it again. But he only stopped for few days after which he went out with a new woman.

I prayed. I told God to change him but it seemed like God had turned His back on me. I soon stopped praying for Femi to change, I would just go into my room and cry to God. I did that every night, crying my eyes out after pretending all day to everyone at work.
I was usually alone because my husband had a reason to come back late every day.
One day, I got tired of crying silently to God and shouted; “Since You have refused to change my husband or at least say something to me, then I think it’s time to do something by myself. FYI, I’m leaving Femi! Yes, You heard me. I am getting a divorce”.

I was shouting at the top of my voice in the empty house. If God couldn’t hear my stifled cries and whispered prayers, then perhaps He would hear my shout. And He did, because He replied.

Love Femi, just as I have loved you
What?
Love him, just as I have loved you

I couldn’t believe my ears. The first time God was saying anything about my cheating husband and all He could say was “Love him”?
He didn’t even offer to change Femi or at least approve of my request to report him to our pastor.

 “Fade!” My sister screamed, rudely bringing out of my chain of thoughts.

“I’m so sorry Funke, I got lost in thought”

“Clearly” Funke said, with an irritated look on her face.   


*************

That night, as I sat down in my well-furnished sitting room, waiting for my husband to come back home, my mind ran back to everything my sister said before she left my house. She had asked me to divorce my husband or at least report him to our pastor if I didn’t want a divorce.
If only she knew how much I wanted to tell everyone, about my husband’s infidelity. But the Holy Spirit would not let me. At least, not yet.
It hurt. It hurt very bad but I had grown to trust and obey God even when I didn’t understand.
The doorbell rang.
I stood up to open the door for my husband.

“Welcome” I said flatly, giving him a peck and collecting his brief case. I was beginning to look like a big fool, playing the whole Proverbs 31-woman role to a man who didn’t deserve it one bit. But what could I do? That was the instruction God gave me and I couldn’t disobey him. if I perish, I perish.

“Thank you, Fade” It had gotten that bad, my husband now called me by my name.


*******

After he had dinner, my husband came to the bedroom and held my hands “Fade, I’m sorry. I’ll change, don’t stop praying for me”
He left my hands and hugged me tightly. I could smell a woman’s cologne on him and once again, I knew my husband had cheated.

Lord why? This isn’t my husband, my Femi. The man I vowed to love for the rest of my life. The man I have been so crazily in love with since my first year in the university.

Tears splashed on my cheeks as I let him hug me and whisper lies into my ears. 


********


He had fallen asleep.
I gently removed his arms that were wrapped around me, stepped out of bed and tiptoed to the guest room.


At the guest room, I picked up the Bible that was on the table. We kept it there permanently for any guest that would visit us. We wanted everyone under our roof to be carried along in our spiritual lives.

Yes. My husband and I were that conscious of God. Everyone loved us, they thought we were the perfect couple.

Only few people knew about my husband’s infidelity; my sister and my best friend and they only knew because they had seen him with strange women by themselves so I couldn’t lie to them.

Every Sunday, we went to church and acted like everything was fine. I smiled bitterly, flipping through the Bible.

My phone buzzed.
I picked it up without looking at it to know who was calling.

“Fade darling”I immediately snapped to full consciousness. It was “Mummy D”, the closest mentor to my husband and I.

“Mummy D” I said, smiling. I didn’t realize how much I had missed her.

“How are you my darling?”

“I’m fine mummy”

“No, you’re not. Talk to me. How is your husband?”

“I’m fine mummy. Femi and I are doing well”

Tell her

What? Why was God be treating me this way? I thought we agreed that I shouldn’t tell anyone, why should He all of a sudden just ask me to tell mummy D?

“Fade, I was already sleeping. I had a bad dream about you and your husband and the Holy Spirit asked me to call you”

I burst into tears and poured it all out to my beloved mentor.

*******


The next day, I left my office around 12:00 noon, I intended taking lunch to my husband’s office. I drove through the estate, looking for a nice restaurant where I could get decent food.
It was hard because my husband and I rarely ate out. I was only buying food because I couldn’t go home to cook because of time.

I finally found a place that looked good. I stopped and got my husband’s favorite. I had to make use of their disposables because I hadn’t taken a food flask from home.
I didn’t know I’d take lunch to him at the office. I rarely did that. I was going to surprise him today. 

As I stepped into the reception before my husband’s personal office upstairs, I saw the shock on his new secretary’s face.

“Good morn… afternoon ma” she stammered.

“Thank you. Is my husband in?” I said, wondering why the girl was fidgeting.

“No. Yes. No. He’s around ma”

“Alright, I’ll go in, thank you”I climbed the stairs leading to my husband’s office.

When I got to his door, I didn’t knock, I opened the door and walked in.

And immediately, I wished hadn’t …

********


Next episode on Friday.


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Aisha’s Dilemma || The Concluding Part.

click here ? to read part 1

Aisha stared out of the window of her bedroom as she reminisced on the last two months of her marriage.

Life had been nothing short of hell for her ever since the night she became a Mrs.

The night her husband hit her. Her wedding night.

Aisha still did not understand what had happened that night.

Ahmed had called her a deceiver, saying she had deceived him into believing she was a virgin.

He accused her of living a promiscuous life before marriage and deceiving people that she was decent. He was furious and hit her saying he knew it was Umar who had taken her innocence.

Aisha had been dumfounded, utterly surprised. She had tried explaining to her husband that she hadn’t known any man before him but Ahmed didn’t seem to be listening.

That was the beginning of her predicament.

Ahmed would leave the house very early and come back very late. He detested her and hated the sight of her. He barley ate what she cooked.

Aisha didn’t know how to react to everything. She was very positive that she was still a virgin even though she hadn’t felt any pain on her first time with Ahmed and there had been no blood. She was confused as well but she didn’t think it was enough for him to react the way he did.

Ahmed had been surprised that his wife hadn’t fought back or even cried. She had deceived him after he bragged to his friends about how decent she was and how certain he was that she was a virgin only to go in to her and realize that there was neither pain nor blood.

He had hit her because he was angry but Aisha didn’t react.

Aisha had become numb to everything. She believed her worse had come to her when Umar left her. No fight was left in her. If this was how her life was meant to be, then so be it.

The sound of her phone ringing made Aisha snap out of her thoughts.

She picked it up still looking out of the window.

“Hello?”

“Aisha” She recognized the voice immediately. The voice that had been in her head every minute.

“Umar” Aisha replied, barely audible.

“How are you?”

For the first time in months, tears rolled down Aisha’s eyes. An aching she couldn’t explain gripped her heart.

?*?*?*?*?*?*

“Aisha, you had nothing to do with any man, not even me. We both agreed to wait until marriage. Why did your husband accuse you as such?”

Aisha was sitting at a restaurant with Umar. He had come into the city and called to ask if he could see her.

Aisha looked at the love of her life. Umar had become even more handsome. She fought tears as she looked at him. Why had life been this cruel to her?

“I have no idea, Umar. I’m glad you still trust me. Ahmed didn’t listen to anything I had to say. All he kept saying was my parents and I deceived him. He was convinced I wasn’t a virgin because he didn’t encounter a hymen…” Aisha said, looking down and straightening her dress.

“He must be an illiterate!” Umar was fuming.

“I think I want a divorce. I have a feeling he’ll get a second wife soon and it’ll become worse for me. I don’t want to be ridiculed”

“Aisha” Umar mouthed almost crying. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

Aisha looked up at him.

“I’m getting married next week. That’s why I came to see you”

Aisha’s heart dropped. The world around her began to spin. She had heard of people’s predicaments and troubles, but hers was a dilemma she couldn’t explain. So her Umar will be someone else’s husband?”

Umar continued “I’ll follow you and talk to your husband or I’ll get someone to talk to him. He needs to be educated on the biology of the female. Not every virgin has a hymen, they can lose it in the early years of their lives through different ways like intense exercise, lifting heavy loads, and so on. In fact, some female children are not born with a hymen so it is absolutely wrong to make the hymen your criteria for determining virginity.”

Aisha was barely listening. The information Umar was giving her didn’t mean anything to her. It answered her own personal questions but it she wasn’t excited that she’d be vindicated before Ahmed, she even doubted he’d believe any of that. She stared far away as tears rolled down her eyes.

“My life is such a mess.”

**??***End****??*

The “medical condition” (Hymen)

Women do not know enough about their anatomies. It is important that you get better acquainted with your body.

Many people cherish the idea of marrying virgins, especially in Africa where the decency of a woman is very much appreciated and rewarded.

There are traditions in Nigeria that hold virginity with very high esteem.
In some traditions, a white cloth is spread on the bed on the first night of the wedding and the newly weds are expected to conssumate the marriage. It is expected that the white cloth gets soiled with blood from the new bride as proof of her virginity and then the couple should appear before the guests with blood-stained sheet to prove that the bride was a virgin.

But many women who have never had intercourse don’t bleed during their first intercourse because their hymen has already been disrupted so this is not an accurate way to determine if a woman is a virgin because there are many ways a woman’s hymen can fade even without contact with a man.

When a virgin meets a man, carnally for the first time, it is expected that she experiences a little pain and that there be little blood. The blood is as a result of the hymen that has been ruptured.

The hymen is a thin fleshy tissue membrane which partially closes the opening of the vagina and whose presence is traditionally taken to be a mark of virginity.

There is a popular opinion that the hymen totally covers the opening of your vagina until it’s stretched open, but that’s not usually the case, in most cases, the hymen is not complete, it is moon shaped to allow menstruation and the use of tampons.

However, some people are born with a very little hymenal tissue that it seems like they don’t have a hymen at all. In rare cases, people have hymens that cover the entire vaginal opening, or the hole in their hymen is very small — they may need to see a doctor for a minor procedure to remove the extra tissue. Just like other parts of our body, hymens are a little different for everyone.
Your hymen can be stretched open the first time you have vaginal sex, which might cause some pain or bleeding. But this doesn’t happen to everyone. And there are other ways that a hymen can be stretched open: riding a bike, doing sports, or putting something in your vagina like a tampon. Once your hymen is stretched open, it can’t grow back. –

Plannedparenthood.org

********

Imperforate hymen: An imperforate hymen can be diagnosed at birth. More often, the diagnosis is made during the teen years. An imperforate hymen is a thin membrane that completely covers the opening to the vagina. Menstrual blood cannot flow out of the vagina. This usually causes the blood to back up into the vagina which often develops into an abdominal mass and abdominal and/or back pain. Some teens may also have pain with bowel movements and difficulty passing urine.

youngwomenshealth.org

*******

Does having a hymen mean you’re a virgin?

Some people believe that you’re not a virgin if your hymen is stretched open. But having a hymen and being a virgin are not the same thing.

Some people are born with hymens that are naturally open. And many other activities besides sex can stretch your hymen. So you can’t tell if someone has had sex by the way their hymen looks or feels.

– Plannedparenthood.org

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Aisha’s Dilemma

“Woman, speak to your daughter! She will marry whoever it is that I choose for her” Alhaji said as he stormed off. His baban riga flowing behind him.

“Noooooo” Aisha wailed. “Umar loves me and I love Him too…”

“Shut up! What do you know about love? You’re just 19. You will grow to love whoever your father chooses for you” Her mother interjected.

“Umma please don’t do this to me, do you want me to be miserable for the rest of my life? Give me this chance to have a happy life please. Talk to Alhaji” Aisha pleaded, holding on to her mother’s wrapper.

“Aisha, listen to me, Your father knows what is best for you, after all, he gave birth to you. Please my daughter, try to see things his way. Umar’s father and yours have never been friends” Hajiya said, gently pulling out her wrapper from her daughter’s palm.

“Is that all that matters to you? One stupid fight? What about my happiness, Umma? Do you and Alhaji ever think of my happiness too? Or do you want me to be an unhappy old woman like you? You were forced to marry Alhaji and look how it has turned out for you. Sadness is written all over…” a stinging slap for her mother cut Aisha short.

“How dare you talk to me in such disgusting manner? You are a very stupid girl, wawuya kawai” Hajiya hissed, walking out angrily through the same door her husband took.

“How will I ever live without Umar? My life will be miserable. After all the plans we have made together for our future. I can’t stand any other man” Aisha said to herself, tears pouring down her face.

??????

Umar

Umar

It’d been 20 minutes since Aisha got to Umar’s house bearing the bad news from her parents.

She had sat, watching him pace back and forth more than 30 times.

“Say something please” She said, almost whispering.

“Let’s run away” He bluntly replied.

“What?”

“You heard me. Let’s elope. It’s obvious that your parents will never like me and soon they’ll get you a husband. Come with me now and let us go very far before it gets to that point”

“Umar, are you in your right senses? How dare you suggest such a thing?”

“I know how terrible it sounds but that’s the only option baby na. I can’t bear to see you leave me. Aisha I love you” Umar looked like he was going to cry. He had come to sit beside her, putting her hands in his.

“I can’t. I mean, it’s not even possible”

“It is, my darling. I’ll soon get a job with my medical certificate, my business can sponsor our trip and settlement in another state, pending when I get the job. We can go to Kano, I know how much you love the big city. I’ll do my best to give you your dream life then we can come back when tempers have cooled and beg our parents. You may just have to defer this semester or session and come back to continue later but everything will be fine Aisha, I promise.”

“Umar, I’m scared”

“Baby, please do this for us. If we allow them, these people will kill what we have” He went on his knees.

??????

Ahmed

Ahmed

“I’m afraid your daughter will not consent, Alhaji. She seems to have been charmed by that boy”

Ahmed had come to pay a visit to Aisha’s parents after his friends told him that they had seen Aisha around Umar’s house.

“Don’t say that Ahmed. Aisha is my daughter and will do whatever I ask her to. Just be patient, she will be your wife.” Alhaji replied.

“I really hope so Alhaji. I desire your daughter, she’s so beautiful and decent unlike many ladies I know” Ahmed had a stern look on his face.

“I brought my daughter up well. She’s very intelligent and decent, the envy of other maidens. As you know she’s already ripe for marriage and many suitors have come but I have turned them down. I want to make the right choice for her. I want a man who will allow her continue her university education as she’s in her 3rd year already and you are the man I have chosen so you have nothing to worry about.”

“Thank you Alhaji, you know I’m up to the task. Aisha will finish in school and even go for her second degree but I’m still worried she’ll choose Umar over me” Ahmed fumbled with his car keys.

“She won’t” Alhaji said, trying to convince himself too.

“She is at his house as we speak and that is why I came here to report to you”

Alhaji stood up in anger. “What!? Okay. I know what to do. I will handle this”

??????

Two weeks later.

Aisha ran out of her lecture theatre. Umar’s friend Habib had sent her a text saying Umar was involved in an accident and was rushed to the hospital.

She rushed into her car, started it and sped like she had never done in her life. Her heart raced. What could have happened?

In no time she was at the hospital.

One look at the love of her life and Aisha burst into tears. Whatever had happened to him had left him battered, barely recognizable.

?????

“He was attacked on his way home today by a group of hoodlums. Apparently, your dad had sent them to warn Umar to leave you. Umar’s life is in danger because of you.” Habib explained to Aisha as they walked through the corridor outside the ward where Umar was being treated. Umar had been fast asleep when Aisha got to the hospital and the nurses had told her not to disturb him.

“But why?” Aisha sniffed. Fresh tears poured down her face. “But why would Alhaji do such a thing?”

Deep within her, she wasn’t surprised. For two weeks now, she had been scared such a thing would happen after her father had slapped her for going to Umar’s house and said he’d handle both of them. Aisha knew her father and knew how far he could go.

“Umar doesn’t want to take this up with him for obvious reasons. You both need to talk, he should be awake now. Maybe you should go in and see him.”

??????

“Umar I’m so sorry. I knew he was angry but I didn’t know he could go this far” Aisha whispered. Her eyes were swollen from tears.

“Your father hates me for no reasonable reason.”

“I’ll talk to him”

“Talk?” Umar laughed bitterly. “Did you say talk? Who can talk to your father? No one”.

” Umar please forgive him for my sake” Aisha managed to say as tears started pouring from her eyes again.

Umar flinched. He couldn’t bear watching her cry. Why did life have to be so hard? Why did he have to suffer for the fight his father had with Aisha’s father years before they were born? Was the fight even the reason or did Aisha’s father just hate him?

“Aisha, is this where our love story ends? Is this where the journey stops and we part ways? Is this how your father will break us?”

“No, Abba! Don’t say that” She sometimes called Umar “Abba” meaning “father”. She said he was everything to her including a father.

“Then let’s leave together. Let us leave this town and begin our lives afresh in a new place. Your father will get over it.”

“I can’t”

“Why?”

“Umar, isn’t there another way?”

“I can’t think of any. Your father has sworn never to give you his blessing if you marry me and he promises to hurt me. The only choice we have is to leave his sight.”

“Abba Let us give him time and see if he changes.”

??????

6 months later

Aisha walked through her father’s garden in the early hours of the morning. It was her wedding day.

Shortly after the first one, her father had sent people to attack Umar again.

Aisha smiled, a bitter regretful smile as she picked flowers from the garden as she strolled by.

Umar had come begging her to leave the city with him. He had gotten a job in Kano that came with a house and an official car. He promised to make her happy but she had refused. A decision she regretted immediately she made.

The next day, she had gone to Umar’s house only to be told that he left for Kano very early that day and left no address or contact. Aisha had cried every day for weeks.

Her father eventually forced her to accept Ahmed who she couldn’t even stand.

The days passed slowly and her wedding date was fixed.

“Aisha, come and have your bath. We don’t want to be late” Aisha’s mom called from inside.

Aisha sighed heavily. She was getting married to Ahmed while the love of her life was far away.

It was about to be a very long day.

??????

“How dare you Aisha?”

The wedding was over, friends and family had gone back to their abodes. The wedding was a big one.

Aisha had been taken to her husband’s house and had done everything a new wife was expected to do.

She woke up late in the night and walked to the kitchen to get some water to drink when she heard footsteps and the voice behind her.

“How dare you?!” Her husband repeated.

Aisha looked up at her husband. “What do you mean Ahmed? What did I do?”

“You and your family made a fool out of me” Ahmed said, almost whispering.

“How? What are you talking about?” Aisha asked, even more confused.

Ahmed looked up at her with bloodshot eyes like he was ready to pounce on her any minute.

“Who disvirgined you?”

To be continued next week Friday

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed reading. Head back here next week Friday for the concluding part of the story.