Category: Women

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Black Girl Magic ✨|| Interview with Emmanuella Olisa on Love



On last month’s episode of Black Girl Magic, we delved into the issue of “Girl hate”. We carefully dissected it’s origin and effects and promoted the need to spread love as far as possible.

Today, Emmanuella speaks with us on Love; what is Love and how should we love? How do you love people who are “hard” to love?

moon

It’s all here on today’s episode of Black Girl Magic.

I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing.
Welcome to Dupe’s Blog ma’am
Thank you so much ma’am… It’s a great honour.

Let’s meet you.

Alright
My name is Emmanuella Olisa.
I hail from Delta state, Nigeria, a graduate of the famous Ahmadu Bello University Zaria.
More so, I am an emerging entrepreneur (I have lots of plans in this area).

I’m passionate about helping people in any capacity that I can, I’m also passionate about seeing people being healed from emotional pain of any kind.

I love to encourage people and help them see their worth.


What do you think about Dupe’s blog?

Hmmn The amazing Dupe’s blog?
I think your blog is amazingly unique.

It stands out as a fountain of pure inspiration in a perverse world. I must commend you for birthing a vision like this, trust me, you have no idea the lives that are being educated, touched and changed by the quality, kingdom oriented content of your platform. It’s a great honour to be here. Thank you so much ma’am for having me

It’s entirely my pleasure! Do you love being a black girl?

Absolutely! I love the unique virtues we possess. I’m glad God made me a black woman.


What’s your definition of love?

Love for me, is perfect understanding and accurate knowledge of someone. I should emphatically state that love is not a feeling even though feelings are a component of love. More so, from another perspective, love is a person.

“God is love”
There are various words translated love in the scriptures. The greatest is “Agape ” the Love of God or the God kind of Love. Until a person encounters God, he/she cannot express this dimension of Love.

Would you describe yourself as someone who loves?

Yes I would (by the grace of God). One of the reasons is that I have been in the position where I felt unloved, misunderstood and misrepresented, so when I meet people, I find it easy to love them because I can relate with them regardless of their countenance and attitude because my experiences in life has taught me better.

Are you then of the opinion that everybody is easy to love?

Yes, like I said, if you understand people, loving them will be a natural response. A great mentor, I honour and respect so much Apostle Joshua Selman said, ‘love is a choice and an act of your will” and I believe so. Love is something you choose to do and you do it willingly.

It is also worthy of mention that, loving people doesn’t make you weak rather it says something about your enormous strength. It may be taken for granted sometimes but don’t pay attention to that.


Profound.
Some people could be unreceptive to love. What do you do when people respond to your love with hatred or cold indifference?

Yes, there are difficult people who seem almost impossible to get along with, but the truth is no one is really difficult if you understand them.

When you learn to put yourself in their shoes you will relate with them better. Some of these difficult people may just be victims of low self-esteem, they don’t feel they are worthy of being loved, some may have been really hurt and have developed a though skin to shield themselves from being hurt again, so they try to mask their weaknesses with toughness.

Some are just ignorant and intimidated. My experiences in life has taught me to see beyond what everyone see on the surface.
Intricately, everyone needs love, but our backgrounds are different which affected a lot of us on this matter.
Like I said earlier, understanding makes the difference. Once you understand people, that’s 90% what you need to love them.



The Bible makes us understand that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us. There was no assurance that we were going to receive His Sacrifice of love but He died and gave love regardless.

Thank you so much for these wisdom nuggets ma.
It’s been a blessing speaking with you

Glory to God!
Thank you also for having me. It’s a privilege.

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Black Girl Magic ✨ || Interview with Niimah Inuwa on “Girl on Girl Hate”.

Girl Hate is tearing down fellow women for reasons related to insecurity, competitiveness and jealousy. Girl Hate is internalized misogyny and acrimony. Girl Hate is, “Oh my God, do you see what she’s wearing?” or “Does she honestly think she looks good like that?” Girl Hate happens everywhere and all the time.

– Madison Mignola

As a girl, you must have experienced hatred from another girl at one time or the other. You must have been a victim of Girl Hate, where a lady or a group of ladies just choose to dislike and detest you. They may have been jealous or felt like they were in a competition with you.

You’re not alone.

I’m writing from the stand point of someone who has been and still is a victim of Girl Hate. It has become a norm for ladies in institutions, classes, workplaces, churches and the society and large to feel like they’re in a competition with other ladies which makes it difficult for them to uplift or learn from them.

The sad reality is that girl-on-girl hate is such a big issue in schools, at work, or online, and it never made any sense to me because, as women, we know how awesome other women can be. Lilly Singh

Our Black Girl Magic, Niimah Inuwa speaks with us on girl on girl hate and her experiences.

Enjoy…

Welcome to Dupe’s blog ma’am. It’s so great to have you here.

My pleasure.

Can we meet you?

My Full name is Inuwa Niimah. I’m a 400 level Architecture student, 21yrs old, a die hard anime otaku, hiker, and a badminton lover.

Do you love being a black girl?

Niimah: Of course! Saves money on sunscreen. *laughs*
I think (and I say this with the least amount of racial stereotype) I like the sauciness. Black people have attttiiituuude…
The pride, “Extraness” for no reason. Quite fun.

Have you ever experienced girl on girl hate?

Sweetie I’ve lost count.

Can you share an experience or two?

Oh wow uhm let’s see…
Excluding the general eye rolls in public places.
There was this one time back in my 200level, a girl came up to me complimenting my makeup and asking about what products I was using and stuff.
I of course was flattered and gave her the info she needed. But den I felt these eye beams of negative energy flying straight at me so I looked behind this nice lady and her friend was giving me cold stares, so I look up and I’m like “Hello?”
This friend then goes “Hi” And I’m like “Any problem?”
And she goes, “I’ve seen you before and you always seem to be made up all the time”
I’m like “Yes, why?” She then replies how she was just wondering if it wasn’t too much seeing as she wears only mascara and gloss daily.
My mind took a double take at that point.
I’m ashamed to say I lost my temper.
But this was just one of the many occasions I’d received random “Don’t you think that looks too much?” or “I prefer” or “Caked up girls have attitude“
Basically that day a random stranger just looked me straight in d face and told me she had a problem with my face.
Lord!
I have literally had a girl tell me she believes girls that dress a certain way are conceited.
It’s ridiculous how much shade women throw at each other for no apparent reason.

It’s quite disappointing that girls hate on fellow girls so much. There seem to be an unspoken default competitive character in ladies that make them tear other ladies down. What’s your take on girl on girl hate? What do you think is responsible for it?

Low self esteem definitely.
‘Cause I have noticed when girls spit hate grimes they do it to make themselves feel better and it’s sad. Very sad.
Confident women don’t step on others.

You mentioned Low self-esteem as one of the reasons girls hate. Does this imply that it’s not entirely their fault?

Logically, you may want to think so
But I like to hold everyone accountable for their lives.
Yes, they may have gone through stuff beyond their control but when you wake up in the morning, young woman look in the mirror, you have a choice.
And most of us make the wrong choice everyday.

What are the choices we have?

“To err is human, to forgive is divine”
Forgive.
Be a better person.
Smile.
Be NICE, be positive.
Most women feel like everyday is war and that very woman is the opposition to beat not an ally.
And I think this is the central backbone of the brainwashing society that has put in this place for centuries.
Men aren’t perfect but the man to man relationship is way better than what we have as women.

So true!

Why do you think this problem is peculiar to women?

*laughs* Now here’s the twist.
I blame the men actually.
Of course women play a part but a smaller one.
Throughout history, we were dominated, enslaved, shut down by most civilizations in the ancient world and literally brought up to please the man.
It’s the 21st century yet women still haven’t gotten over it.
Domestic violence, sexism, misogyny and all forms of discrimination.

Interesting.

How can the black girl get rid of the unhealthy mindset of jealousy, competition and hate on other girls?

Now this is like trying to get a kid to stop chewing his nails.
You can advice all you want but until they reach that point where they mentally go beyond it, there isn’t much we can do.
Of course words of encouragement, spreading girl on girl love (no homo) *laughs*.
These would be of great help.

Girls that are victims of the hate could get depressed and sad. What would you advice a lady that gets hateful remarks from a fellow girl?

Brush it off honey.
Always remember that the person bullying you is coming from a lower point in her spiritual energy.
Do what makes you happy.
Exercise, hydrate eat well, love well and live long enough to prove people wrong.

Thank you so much for your time Niimah, it was such a great time with you. I hope to have you here again.

You’re very welcome the pleasure is all mine. I’m glad I could help.

Spread Love. Incredible things happen when women support other women.

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Aisha’s Dilemma || The Concluding Part.

click here ? to read part 1

Aisha stared out of the window of her bedroom as she reminisced on the last two months of her marriage.

Life had been nothing short of hell for her ever since the night she became a Mrs.

The night her husband hit her. Her wedding night.

Aisha still did not understand what had happened that night.

Ahmed had called her a deceiver, saying she had deceived him into believing she was a virgin.

He accused her of living a promiscuous life before marriage and deceiving people that she was decent. He was furious and hit her saying he knew it was Umar who had taken her innocence.

Aisha had been dumfounded, utterly surprised. She had tried explaining to her husband that she hadn’t known any man before him but Ahmed didn’t seem to be listening.

That was the beginning of her predicament.

Ahmed would leave the house very early and come back very late. He detested her and hated the sight of her. He barley ate what she cooked.

Aisha didn’t know how to react to everything. She was very positive that she was still a virgin even though she hadn’t felt any pain on her first time with Ahmed and there had been no blood. She was confused as well but she didn’t think it was enough for him to react the way he did.

Ahmed had been surprised that his wife hadn’t fought back or even cried. She had deceived him after he bragged to his friends about how decent she was and how certain he was that she was a virgin only to go in to her and realize that there was neither pain nor blood.

He had hit her because he was angry but Aisha didn’t react.

Aisha had become numb to everything. She believed her worse had come to her when Umar left her. No fight was left in her. If this was how her life was meant to be, then so be it.

The sound of her phone ringing made Aisha snap out of her thoughts.

She picked it up still looking out of the window.

“Hello?”

“Aisha” She recognized the voice immediately. The voice that had been in her head every minute.

“Umar” Aisha replied, barely audible.

“How are you?”

For the first time in months, tears rolled down Aisha’s eyes. An aching she couldn’t explain gripped her heart.

?*?*?*?*?*?*

“Aisha, you had nothing to do with any man, not even me. We both agreed to wait until marriage. Why did your husband accuse you as such?”

Aisha was sitting at a restaurant with Umar. He had come into the city and called to ask if he could see her.

Aisha looked at the love of her life. Umar had become even more handsome. She fought tears as she looked at him. Why had life been this cruel to her?

“I have no idea, Umar. I’m glad you still trust me. Ahmed didn’t listen to anything I had to say. All he kept saying was my parents and I deceived him. He was convinced I wasn’t a virgin because he didn’t encounter a hymen…” Aisha said, looking down and straightening her dress.

“He must be an illiterate!” Umar was fuming.

“I think I want a divorce. I have a feeling he’ll get a second wife soon and it’ll become worse for me. I don’t want to be ridiculed”

“Aisha” Umar mouthed almost crying. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

Aisha looked up at him.

“I’m getting married next week. That’s why I came to see you”

Aisha’s heart dropped. The world around her began to spin. She had heard of people’s predicaments and troubles, but hers was a dilemma she couldn’t explain. So her Umar will be someone else’s husband?”

Umar continued “I’ll follow you and talk to your husband or I’ll get someone to talk to him. He needs to be educated on the biology of the female. Not every virgin has a hymen, they can lose it in the early years of their lives through different ways like intense exercise, lifting heavy loads, and so on. In fact, some female children are not born with a hymen so it is absolutely wrong to make the hymen your criteria for determining virginity.”

Aisha was barely listening. The information Umar was giving her didn’t mean anything to her. It answered her own personal questions but it she wasn’t excited that she’d be vindicated before Ahmed, she even doubted he’d believe any of that. She stared far away as tears rolled down her eyes.

“My life is such a mess.”

**??***End****??*

The “medical condition” (Hymen)

Women do not know enough about their anatomies. It is important that you get better acquainted with your body.

Many people cherish the idea of marrying virgins, especially in Africa where the decency of a woman is very much appreciated and rewarded.

There are traditions in Nigeria that hold virginity with very high esteem.
In some traditions, a white cloth is spread on the bed on the first night of the wedding and the newly weds are expected to conssumate the marriage. It is expected that the white cloth gets soiled with blood from the new bride as proof of her virginity and then the couple should appear before the guests with blood-stained sheet to prove that the bride was a virgin.

But many women who have never had intercourse don’t bleed during their first intercourse because their hymen has already been disrupted so this is not an accurate way to determine if a woman is a virgin because there are many ways a woman’s hymen can fade even without contact with a man.

When a virgin meets a man, carnally for the first time, it is expected that she experiences a little pain and that there be little blood. The blood is as a result of the hymen that has been ruptured.

The hymen is a thin fleshy tissue membrane which partially closes the opening of the vagina and whose presence is traditionally taken to be a mark of virginity.

There is a popular opinion that the hymen totally covers the opening of your vagina until it’s stretched open, but that’s not usually the case, in most cases, the hymen is not complete, it is moon shaped to allow menstruation and the use of tampons.

However, some people are born with a very little hymenal tissue that it seems like they don’t have a hymen at all. In rare cases, people have hymens that cover the entire vaginal opening, or the hole in their hymen is very small — they may need to see a doctor for a minor procedure to remove the extra tissue. Just like other parts of our body, hymens are a little different for everyone.
Your hymen can be stretched open the first time you have vaginal sex, which might cause some pain or bleeding. But this doesn’t happen to everyone. And there are other ways that a hymen can be stretched open: riding a bike, doing sports, or putting something in your vagina like a tampon. Once your hymen is stretched open, it can’t grow back. –

Plannedparenthood.org

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Imperforate hymen: An imperforate hymen can be diagnosed at birth. More often, the diagnosis is made during the teen years. An imperforate hymen is a thin membrane that completely covers the opening to the vagina. Menstrual blood cannot flow out of the vagina. This usually causes the blood to back up into the vagina which often develops into an abdominal mass and abdominal and/or back pain. Some teens may also have pain with bowel movements and difficulty passing urine.

youngwomenshealth.org

*******

Does having a hymen mean you’re a virgin?

Some people believe that you’re not a virgin if your hymen is stretched open. But having a hymen and being a virgin are not the same thing.

Some people are born with hymens that are naturally open. And many other activities besides sex can stretch your hymen. So you can’t tell if someone has had sex by the way their hymen looks or feels.

– Plannedparenthood.org