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Do I really want to get married? Does a believer have to get married? Let us have this honest conversation.

Apart from the fact that in Nigeria, once you conclude a certain level of formal education, you are expected to get married and start a family of your own, what other reason do you have for wanting to get married?

Last week, the thoughts of marriage filled my mind. It didn’t just sprout out of nowhere. It was initiated by different things; social media posts, wedding pictures everywhere, discussions with people, etc.

I had had a discussion with a senior colleague who was encouraging me to get married in school since I am running a 6-year course, the country is making it longer than 6 years already, and many of my mates aren’t waiting anymore. They’re getting married.

The conversation was an interesting one. This senior colleague of mine is a good conversationalist. He almost made me start considering getting married the next week because of the great points he raised and how fun he made marriage sound. He was very convincing. Lol.

It’s funny how this happened just last week. And this week, I am in an entirely different mental space. A space where I’m asking myself why I want to get married and if marriage is necessary.

Just last week, I wanted to tie the nuptial knot so bad. This week, I’m asking myself if I really want to do this marriage thing and why.

I honestly believe that it is super important for every single person to get to this point where they ask themselves this question and answer it honestly.

A young lady asked me a question sometime last year. She wanted to know if marriage was compulsory and if women have to get married to fulfil purpose. I answered in the negative of course. Giving her scriptural backing and examples.

The only thing that is a do or die affair is salvation. Not marriage.

Marriage is not a criteria or prerequisite for heaven.

Even purpose. Unless your purpose/assignment is directly linked to marriage, and having children, you can fulfil purpose without getting married.

Don’t get me wrong. Marriage is good, beautiful, and very beneficial. But not for everyone.

Marriage is a big deal. A huge one. An enormous commitment.

It requires a lot of intentionality, practical Christianity, and work.
Add this to the fact that a large percentage of women, especially in my part of the world, become worse versions of themselves when they get married. Was this God’s intention? Absolutely not.

Marriage is an adumbration of the union between Christ and the church. We know that that union is a beautiful one that benefits the bride in amazing ways.
But when we begin to see that the version of marriage around us is one that leaves us in a terrible state, we need to dissect it and look into it. And not just rush into it because it looks like what everyone is doing and what is expected of us.

Does a believer have to get married?

If you do not want to get married, scripture is clear on that. You do not have to.

But if you want to get married, I think it is really important for you to ask yourself why.

Why do I want to get married?
Answering this question will help you better prepare, plan, and choose a partner wisely.

Even though Apostle Paul recommends that people who desire marriage, get married so that they don’t “burn” (be consumed in passion, continually battle with lust), I think that sex should not be your only reason for getting married.

It just isn’t a strong enough reason.

Plus, making that your only or primary reason will cloud your judgement, make you hasty, and may leave you disappointed.

God created marriage for companionship, support, procreation, and intimacy.

But He didn’t say that marriage would be a walk in the park, without issues and differences. No, He didn’t.

In fact, in the first marriage that the Bible shows us, there were issues. Issues so big that led to our need for redemption.

If two people who had no parents, were created by God, and placed in the same garden could have differences to the point of throwing blames at each other, (Gen 3:12), it is not very wise to expect a perfect relationship void of differences with someone who has different parents, orientation, perspective, and personality from you.

Living with someone and choosing to be committed to them will be challenging sometimes. Apostle Paul stated one of his reasons for encouraging people to stay unmarried in 1 Corinthians 7:28 GNB.

Marriage is beautiful and can be very enjoyable but it can not complete or fulfil you, if you aren’t already complete in God and yourself.

It also comes with its responsibilities;
Do you want it?
Are you ready to put in the work?
Do you have someone worth going on that journey with? (Because trust me, not everyone is worth it. When you look closely at some people’s behavior, and tendencies, you’d rather remain single and burn than go on a lifelong commitment with them).

Do you want to get married? Tell me why in the comments below. If you don’t, I’d love to know why too!