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Relationship || Tame Your Love Language

Everything is permissible for me, but not all things are beneficial. Everything is permissible for me, but I will not be enslaved by anything [and brought under its power, allowing it to control me].

Words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch.
If you exist on planet earth, then you must have, at one time or the other, come across the question “What is your Love language?” Or even read the book “5 Love languages” by Gary Chapman.

People give and receive love in different ways.
The purpose of understanding love languages is to help you give love properly because, love languages are simply the unique ways people want to be loved and are likely the ways they give love to others.

Many a times, people speak their own love language to their partner instead of trying to understand their partner’s love language and this leaves them both in confusion like the people who attempted building the tower of Babel.

For complete unity and cooperation, you must speak the same language or at least understand each other’s language so you both can speak it well.

If a man’s love language is words of affirmation but his lady’s love language is physical touch and they’re both not aware of each other’s love language, she’ll always be clingy and he won’t understand why. And he’ll always shower her with praises and expect her to do same but she will not appreciate his words of affirmation neither will she reciprocate.

So, understanding your love language and your partner’s, and properly communicating it amongst yourselves is very important.
But that isn’t the aim of my post today.

I wrote all of that to create a background for people who aren’t very aware of what a love language is.

The point of my post today, is to ask you to get a grip on your love language.

While musing, praying and brainstorming on what post to make for valentine, a friend called me and we had a discussion that inspired me to write this article. The topic “Tame your love language” immediately came to my mind.
I’ve seen people time and time again, use love language as an excuse for their extreme behaviors.

For instance, when a lady is materialistic, you hear her say things like “Receiving gifts is my love language“. When a guy is slowly drifting towards fornication and is queried, he says “Physical touch is my love language”.

Who are we trying to deceive?

In his letter to the Corinthians, Apostle Paul clearly explained that we must be careful not to become slaves to certain things.

“….Just because something is technically legal doesn’t mean that it’s spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I’d be a slave to my whims…”
1 Corinthians 6:12 (MSG)

Your love language is the way you receive love, not the ruling factor of your life. This is particularly for singles.

You must learn to tame your love language because;

  • Your love language is likely your weak point and if you’re slave to it, it’ll lead you to sin.
  • You are expected to control your physical urges and appetites especially as a Christian.
  • Your partner likely has a different love language and a relationship is about 2 people so your love language has to be suppressed in order to give theirs, space for expression.


Below, I’ll list the love languages and state the disadvantages of being extreme about them and also how you can curb them.

1. Words of affirmation

To me, this is the easiest love language because it costs next to nothing. It’s good to love words of affirmation from your partner but when it becomes excessive, you should watch it.
Learn to be confident in yourself and in your identity in Christ, such that whether or not you’re appreciated, you won’t be affected.

Excessive wants for words of affirmation can leave you in a state of unhealthy dependence on what others think of you.
Avoid craving the affirmation of men because you’ll be disappointed a lot of the time.

2. Quality time.

If quality time is your love language, learn to be considerate. Your partner may be sensitive and not want to hurt your feelings. So they may not tell you when you’re consuming the time they planned for other important things.
Enjoy the time spent and their company but also try to consider their own schedules too. Especially if quality time is not their love language.

In a bid to spend “quality time” with each other,you both be using up time meant for other equally important projects and end up being unproductive.

3. Receiving gifts

This is even more disturbing when you’re not married yet, and you’re obsessed with receiving gifts from them.
Curb your appetite for material things, especially if your partner does not have a stable income or is not financially buoyant yet.

Appreciate gifts when you’re given but don’t be obsessed.


4. Acts of service.

Your partner may not be a huge fan of domestic chores and things like that. Don’t put up an attitude every time they can’t help you with chores.

5. Physical touch.

Curb it!!!
Satan is the master of senses and knows how to make little things quickly escalate. If physical touch is your love language, you must be careful. Don’t be ignorant of Satan’s devices. Especially as a Christian, some things are not beneficial to you.

As we celebrate love on Thursday, avoid being extreme and using “it’s my love language” as an excuse.

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION – If he doesn’t remember to say “Happy Valentine’s” on time, say it yourself.

QUALITY TIME – If she’s busy or far away from you and can’t spend quality time with you on Valentine’s Day, understand and spend time together on Skype or phone calls.

RECEIVING GIFTS – If you do not get expensive gifts, be content with what you get.

ACTS OF SERVICE – If you don’t see any efforts on her part, politely speak with her about it.

PHYSICAL TOUCH – When the chemistry becomes high and things get heated, take a walk in a public place and avoid unnecessary contact.

Let us love and be loved. But let us do it rightly.

Losing self-control leaves you as helpless as a city without a wall.
Proverbs 25:28 CEV