Which of their flaws came to your mind as you saw this topic?
Some years back, I traveled to Abuja to spend some time with my uncle and his family.
One Sunday morning, we set out to church in a rush as we were already very late.
We were almost halfway through when my uncle suddenly parked the car beside the road and rested his head on the steering wheel.
Apparently, he was not feeling too well but insisted on going to church with us.
His wife could drive very well so I suggested she took over from him so he could rest, but he refused. I tried insisting but his wife signalled to me to stop. We ended up being being very late for church that day because my uncle rested for about 20mimutes.
When we got back home, my uncle’s wife explained to me that her husband could be very adamant and when he says “no” especially when he’s stressed or sick, it’s wiser not to push further, at least, not immediately.
Isn’t it amazing how we’re all flawed in one way or another?
I once heard a story of a marriage that had to be dissolved because one of the parties thought toothpaste tube should be squeezed from the bottom but the other, squeezed the tube from any part of the body.
The “organized one” couldn’t live with someone who didn’t have respect for toothpaste ?? (Ignore my dry humor please. I couldn’t help but say that ⬆).
Let us admit, after the euphoria and excitement in the first few days, weeks or even months of your relationship, you begin to face reality and admit that your partner is not the perfect walking deity you thought they were.
When the bubbling chemicals in you, subside and flaws begin to be unveiled, You both realize that chemistry and biology are not enough to keep a relationship anymore.
Flaws are numerous because they’re a part of our humanity. Here are few of the countless flaws that exist in relationships: Lack of financial wisdom, lack of confidence, bad communication skills, bad chatting skills, too little attention, too much attention, inability to plan or organize things, nagging, tardiness, dirtiness, nonchalance, lack of toothpaste squeezing skills, snoring…
It may be their attitude to life, their obsession with a particular thing, a “not-too-attractive” feature on their body that you didn’t notice earlier, or even their eating style. You begin to painfully admit that your partner is not perfect. In fact, they’re far from perfect.
He’s not so much a gentleman as you thought or he’s even stingy. She doesn’t speak to you in a proper manner or she’s bossy. He plays too much or she’s too serious.
It could even be that he doesn’t earn enough money.
She’s too loud, I wish she could be a little calm, I wish he listened to me a bit more, I wish she didn’t have those big eyes ?, (Yes! Even physical flaws), I wish he was this and that.
Each of these flaws are entirely different… Well, maybe not entirely, but they’re unique and may have to be dealt with, differently.
I’ve come to realize that there’s always one or two things I wish I could change about a person (family members and friends). I know I love my friends and they mean a lot to me but they have habits I wish they didn’t. But since relationships are all about sacrifices, I look away from their flaws and love them regardless.
A love relationship may not be handled exactly the same way because you’ll be living with them for the rest of your life. So you have to observe flaws more critically.
Some flaws can not be dealt with. Hence, going apart is the only solution.
One of which is abuse.
Love yourself enough to be honest and admit if you really can not endure your partner’s excesses. Because they may have harmful long-term effects. The earlier you realize and end it, the better.
But when you realize that the pros outweigh the cons and you know that you do not want to do life without your partner next to you, then you must have a proper understanding on how to approach their flaws.
Personally, I think most flaws can be worked on and adjusted to. Here are practical ways to:
Some flaws (like character flaws) can be worked on. Tell them about it and how it makes you feel. Don’t pretend to be “unbothered” about his nonchalant lifestyle, tell him his attention is vital to you.
Don’t assume you can endure her endless complaints, tell her how it makes you feel.
You must realize that they’re probably the way they are due to their past, environment or even family experiences. So, unless someone points it out, they may never change.
2. Recognize that they’re human… just like you!
Gold cannot be pure, and people cannot be perfect. – Chinese Proverb
It’s the nature of humans to be bad at something. If anyone looks perfect to you, it’s probably because you’re yet to encounter their flaws. When you’re faced with your partner’s “not-too-good” side, count is as part of their humanity. You have a couple of wrongs yourself.
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. – Jesus Christ
3. Magnify and Celebrate their good sides
A diamond with flaws is worth more than a pebble without imperfections.
Something attracted you to them in the first place. Find it.
They may be bad at some things but they’re good at many others. Focus on them.
What an absurd thing it is to pass over all the valuable parts of a man, and fix our attention on his infirmities! – Addison
4. Pray for them and love them regardless
Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth
Some of their flaws may be beyond them and God has to step in. Learn to love regardless of shortcomings, just as God loves you.
My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and my talents and I lay them both at his feet. – Mahatma Gandhi
5. Work on their flaws with them and be patient
Suggest ways that can help, make them see the disadvantages and the harm it could cause to your relationship and be patient as God works on them
6. Realize that some things may never change
This is very important. The flaw may never leave completely so if you think you can live with it find a way to adjust and adapt or even cover up for them.
7. Don’t make them feel bad about it
Don’t destroy their self confidence and worth by emphasizing on it. You have flaws too.
I pray you find someone who loves you like God does and doesn’t judge you based on your flaws. And I pray you become such a person too.
Related: Marriages I follow and learn from