Tag: Love

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My Cheating Husband – The Story of an Unusual Christian Wife


“I don’t know why you still put up with this man Fade, isn’t it obvious he isn’t going to change?” 

I kept cutting the vegetables, pretending not to have heard my sister hit me hard with the truth.

“I mean who would have thought Femi would become such a beast with no human feelings whatsoever” She continued.

“Don’t call my husband that ever again!” I replied firmly, defending my husband as usual as I fought back hot tears that threatened to run down my cheeks.

“I’m sorry about that Sis, you know I’d never disrespect you, it’s just that I know how much pain you go through even though you hide it from everyone. And every time, it just makes me want to kill your husband. Why does he have to make you go through so much pain?” Funke said, as she cleaned the last dish and kept it in the rack.

“Thank you for helping me with those dishes Funke, I’ll make the vegetables now so you can eat before you leave” I said, walking to the sink to rinse the vegetables.

My sister kept quiet. She was tired of me, I knew. I kept making her and everyone trying to help me look like they were disturbing me. She was trying to help me but I kept defending my bad husband, Femi.

Femi.

The thought of what he could be doing right now, sent daggers through my heart.

Lord, make him stop please

My name is Fadekemi Williams and I’m a Lawyer and an author. I am married to Oluwafemi Williams, an accountant and the love of my life.

Femi wasn’t always a cheat. He had always been loving and faithful since our university days when we met. We did everything together then, read, attended fellowship, prayed and so on.
He was never a womanizer, He loved God and was committed to making me happy. Femi would never do anything to hurt me. It continued that way until 3 months after our fairytale wedding when things suddenly changed.

Three months after our wedding, my husband cheated on me with his secretary.

I knew.

I knew because I saw lipstick on his shirt that night after work.

I knew because he couldn’t look me in the eye.

I knew because the Holy Spirit told me and the Holy Spirit has never lied to me.

My husband had no explanation for his misbehaviour, yet I didn’t shout or insult him. Little did I know that, that was the beginning of my misery.

Femi became a perpetual cheat. He slept with different women and the fact that he cheated didn’t hurt me like the fact that ever day he did, I knew.

I cried every night. I tried to talk to my husband but he didn’t have any reasonable explanation.
Each time I spoke to him, he apologised and promised never to do it again. But he only stopped for few days after which he went out with a new woman.

I prayed. I told God to change him but it seemed like God had turned His back on me. I soon stopped praying for Femi to change, I would just go into my room and cry to God. I did that every night, crying my eyes out after pretending all day to everyone at work.
I was usually alone because my husband had a reason to come back late every day.
One day, I got tired of crying silently to God and shouted; “Since You have refused to change my husband or at least say something to me, then I think it’s time to do something by myself. FYI, I’m leaving Femi! Yes, You heard me. I am getting a divorce”.

I was shouting at the top of my voice in the empty house. If God couldn’t hear my stifled cries and whispered prayers, then perhaps He would hear my shout. And He did, because He replied.

Love Femi, just as I have loved you
What?
Love him, just as I have loved you

I couldn’t believe my ears. The first time God was saying anything about my cheating husband and all He could say was “Love him”?
He didn’t even offer to change Femi or at least approve of my request to report him to our pastor.

 “Fade!” My sister screamed, rudely bringing out of my chain of thoughts.

“I’m so sorry Funke, I got lost in thought”

“Clearly” Funke said, with an irritated look on her face.   


*************

That night, as I sat down in my well-furnished sitting room, waiting for my husband to come back home, my mind ran back to everything my sister said before she left my house. She had asked me to divorce my husband or at least report him to our pastor if I didn’t want a divorce.
If only she knew how much I wanted to tell everyone, about my husband’s infidelity. But the Holy Spirit would not let me. At least, not yet.
It hurt. It hurt very bad but I had grown to trust and obey God even when I didn’t understand.
The doorbell rang.
I stood up to open the door for my husband.

“Welcome” I said flatly, giving him a peck and collecting his brief case. I was beginning to look like a big fool, playing the whole Proverbs 31-woman role to a man who didn’t deserve it one bit. But what could I do? That was the instruction God gave me and I couldn’t disobey him. if I perish, I perish.

“Thank you, Fade” It had gotten that bad, my husband now called me by my name.


*******

After he had dinner, my husband came to the bedroom and held my hands “Fade, I’m sorry. I’ll change, don’t stop praying for me”
He left my hands and hugged me tightly. I could smell a woman’s cologne on him and once again, I knew my husband had cheated.

Lord why? This isn’t my husband, my Femi. The man I vowed to love for the rest of my life. The man I have been so crazily in love with since my first year in the university.

Tears splashed on my cheeks as I let him hug me and whisper lies into my ears. 


********


He had fallen asleep.
I gently removed his arms that were wrapped around me, stepped out of bed and tiptoed to the guest room.


At the guest room, I picked up the Bible that was on the table. We kept it there permanently for any guest that would visit us. We wanted everyone under our roof to be carried along in our spiritual lives.

Yes. My husband and I were that conscious of God. Everyone loved us, they thought we were the perfect couple.

Only few people knew about my husband’s infidelity; my sister and my best friend and they only knew because they had seen him with strange women by themselves so I couldn’t lie to them.

Every Sunday, we went to church and acted like everything was fine. I smiled bitterly, flipping through the Bible.

My phone buzzed.
I picked it up without looking at it to know who was calling.

“Fade darling”I immediately snapped to full consciousness. It was “Mummy D”, the closest mentor to my husband and I.

“Mummy D” I said, smiling. I didn’t realize how much I had missed her.

“How are you my darling?”

“I’m fine mummy”

“No, you’re not. Talk to me. How is your husband?”

“I’m fine mummy. Femi and I are doing well”

Tell her

What? Why was God be treating me this way? I thought we agreed that I shouldn’t tell anyone, why should He all of a sudden just ask me to tell mummy D?

“Fade, I was already sleeping. I had a bad dream about you and your husband and the Holy Spirit asked me to call you”

I burst into tears and poured it all out to my beloved mentor.

*******


The next day, I left my office around 12:00 noon, I intended taking lunch to my husband’s office. I drove through the estate, looking for a nice restaurant where I could get decent food.
It was hard because my husband and I rarely ate out. I was only buying food because I couldn’t go home to cook because of time.

I finally found a place that looked good. I stopped and got my husband’s favorite. I had to make use of their disposables because I hadn’t taken a food flask from home.
I didn’t know I’d take lunch to him at the office. I rarely did that. I was going to surprise him today. 

As I stepped into the reception before my husband’s personal office upstairs, I saw the shock on his new secretary’s face.

“Good morn
 afternoon ma” she stammered.

“Thank you. Is my husband in?” I said, wondering why the girl was fidgeting.

“No. Yes. No. He’s around ma”

“Alright, I’ll go in, thank you”I climbed the stairs leading to my husband’s office.

When I got to his door, I didn’t knock, I opened the door and walked in.

And immediately, I wished hadn’t 


********


Next episode on Friday.


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Relationship || Can You Bear The Weight Of His Assignment?

Who you’re in a relationship with when you’re going through process, determines a lot. Your partner has the power to fast track or inhibit your progress.

One of the most important things to consider before going into a love relationship with someone is compatibility. Not just compatibility in behavior but also compatibility in purpose.

Are you ready to marry the vision of your partner?

Conflict in assignments and purpose of the two parties create friction in relationships.

This post is particularly directed at women. What is your man’s assignment, what does it entail, what is your contribution likely to be and can you afford it?

People hardly pay attention to things like purpose or assignment when faced with the choice of a life partner. They close their eyes to that aspect of life because it is not very evident at that point. They bury it under the carpet only to have it resurface in future bigger and destructive.

There is no assignment without a price to be paid but having the understanding of his passions and where he’s likely heading helps you sit back to count the cost before accepting a potential partner. When a man begins to pay the price for his assignment, his woman will not be left out. She may even have to bear a larger part of the burden as he may lean on her for support sometimes but having a prior knowledge helps prepare and brace her up to the challenge.

It is foolish to go along with a man whose assignment you’re not willing to support and sacrifice for. Permit me to even call it wicked because you will end up frustrating the man.

The greatest gift you can give to your man is to believe in him.

– Yusuf Yerimah (ENI)

Of course, there will be unexpected moments, and sacrifices will arise that you didn’t prepare for but these will be on few occasions. The greater part of your lives will be filled with almost predictable events.

If a man’s actions seems to be tailored towards the five fold ministry and you happen to be the sister he saw in his “visions” as his wife, don’t just rush to say yes. God doesn’t coerce men, that is why he gave us our will. You have the option to say no if you believe you’ll do more harm than good to his purpose or you’re not ready for the sacrifices that come with being a Pastor’s wife.

A man who is a budding entrepreneur will have a lot of highs and lows and that will require a lot of patience and support from you as the lady, be prepared for it or just say no.

Sometimes, getting ready to bear the weight of your man’s assignment, will require you developing thick skin and being strong. Sometimes, it may even demand that your own assignment/purpose be suspended or reduced for a while.

Almost every woman wants a “purpose driven man”, but how many are ready to give it what it takes?

Having an idea of his assignment and likely sacrifices to be made together with the willingness to support him forms part of the framework of a solid relationship.

“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it. For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’ “Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Won’t he first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? :If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace – Jesus

Also to encourage women already making these sacrifices for their men; The sacrifices men make usually has a lot to do with their assignments; a man with an unusual kind of assignment and purpose will likely have to make unusual sacrifices, you must build enough fortitude to bear it to help him get to his desired destination. A strong man needs a strong woman because the role of the Queen is to protect her King. Consider yourself blessed to have a man with a vision because men without vision have nowhere to go so they eventually return to their past.

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Relationship || Is Honeymoon Compulsory? – Lessons from Mrs Tolulope Adejumo

Lately, I’ve been on YouTube very often and it’s been amazing. There’s so much to learn out there. I’ve been seeing videos both for school work and on other areas of life.
One of the channels I recently discovered is Tolulope Solutions run by Mrs Tolulope Adejumo.
Mrs Tolulope Adejumo is the wife of Gbemiga Adejumo and she is a Marriage, Faith and Lifestyle Vlogger and just in case you were wondering, yes, she’s the daughter inlaw to Mummy Funke Felix Adejumo.

Mrs Tolulope’s vlog has blessed me in divers ways particularly in matters relating to relationship and marriage so I’m going to be making lots of posts talking about her videos but for today, I’ll be talking about honeymoon.

Few days back, I saw a video on her channel which caught my attention.

In this video, she spoke about financial challenges in relationships. She said something that really shocked me which was that she and her husband had had plans of going to Dubai for their honeymoon and they had already gotten the visa but then they realized they didn’t have enough money for that and they didn’t want to borrow to get married, they also thought of everything they’d need to start a new family and decided to put the honeymoon plan on hold.

Brethren, they didn’t go on honeymoon until 6 months after their wedding!

DELAYED GRATIFICATION

Job 8:7 Though thy beginning was small, yet thy latter end should greatly increase.
1 Timothy 6:6 But godliness with contentment is great gain.

Becoming an award winning wife most times, doesn’t depend on how well you can dress and cook but on how wise and prudent you are and how much you’re willing to sacrifice to ensure that your family is in a good shape.

Proverbs 31:15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. 31:16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

The Adejumos chose to postpone traveling for honeymoon until it was convenient for them and for their future home after all, the honeymoon itself is a mentality.

You can choose to go to a nice place in the country or even stay in your new house and give each other treats, if that is what it’ll take to have a comfortable home free of debt

Please take note that the Sir Gbemiga Adejumo is from a wealthy background and so is his wife so it was easy for them to get money from their parents if they were desperate about going out of the country on honeymoon.

This post is for everyone but particularly for any bride to be, reading.

You can’t have it all together before your wedding, therefore there’s a need to make a scale of preference. Luxuries that do not mean much to your marriage are NOT compulsory if you can not afford them at the moment.

Delayed gratification involves postponing temporary enjoyment for better, bigger and more important things. We’re working and moving to greatness but before we get there, how willing are we to endure and sacrifice?

It is often said that don’t own a bag of #1000000 that contains just #10, instead own a #10 bag with #1000000 in it.

Cultivate the habit of keeping or postponing unnecessary luxury until you can comfortably afford it. This is not to encourage misery or stinginess, it is to encourage you to set your priorities right.
It is good to live a good life but not at the expense of your future.
I’ve seen my parents opt for items that were not too expensive when they had the option of picking the more expensive one which they could afford and I would wonder why. I later came to realize that they had aims and goals hence the scale of preference and when their plans began to play out, I loved it better than I would have loved the former so I trust their judgement till today. If they had desperately wanted instant gratification or cared about what they’d look like to people, they would have made many unwise and irrational decisions.

Most people don’t look like their bank accounts, they choose to work and invest privately while looking like they have nothing so they can afford the lives they want to live in future.

Avoid instant gratification if it’s too costly for your future.

What’s your take on delaying honeymoon? Let me know in the comment section.